[Virginia AU] to unravel a torment you must begin somewhere

[nerves_of_ice]

I need to think, he'd told Sharon, and it's true all the way down to his bones. The problem is that he's having trouble doing it. After he spends the next half hour jumping at shadows, he considers going down into the tunnels for a while, but reluctantly decides against it. There's a five-kilometer trail on the grounds that he's run a couple of times. It'll do for a test, to see if the agents are going to have either a singular or a collective fit at his being out of the compound proper. Bucky goes straight from the garage's back exit to the nearest point, strips his jacket and leaves it on the ground, then settles into an easy lope.

By the third circuit, his mind's clear enough for him to start mulling over a few things, clear enough for him to look at the events of the last day or so in a new light. No wonder he'd had something like a - he doesn't even know how to describe it, the whirlwind of shock and fear and hurt and near-panic and desperation that he's been feeling. A spiral, maybe, but in the end the term doesn't matter, it's the reason, and when he really lets himself think about it, it doesn't take a genius or a scientist to be able to pinpoint it. All three of the people he's closest to in the world, the ones who know him best, had deceived him - or, to be fair, had let him deceive himself. And as a result, all three - Sharon more than the others, but Steve and Natasha as well - had taken harm or have been placed at still-great risk of harm, harm he's desperate to defend them from somehow. When he looks at it that way, it's really no wonder why he's reacting as he is. It's also obvious to him that he can't allow it to continue.

Bucky sets his jaw in tight, grim lines, and keeps running.

Three hours later, he makes his way back inside, absently mopping the sweat from his face and neck with the discarded jacket, and goes to find Hogan. "Windows," he tells him. Whether or not he'll leave them uncovered doesn't matter, not now. "Lots of windows. Somewhere high, not too near people. Furnished however you do as standard's fine for now. Okay?"

"I've got just the one," Hogan tells him. "I'll have it ready tomorrow. That soon enough?"

"Yes," Bucky assures him. "Thanks."

He stays with Steve again that night. Things are a little strained at first, until Bucky breaks the ice and apologizes for how he's been reacting. Steve doesn't want his apology, but his best friend listens while he tries to explain, and that's more than good enough.

Later that evening, he texts Natasha to suggest they catch up soon, and offers to bring cocoa, hoping the idea'll amuse her enough for her to realize he's not angry. Not any more. He texts Alyona a picture of Steve's bike, one of the ones he'd taken hanging upside-down, just to say hi, and texts Sharon a good-night wish.

He doesn't sleep much, due to the incessant nightmares, but at least he knows the reason for them. It helps.

The coffee's already made when Steve gets up, and conversation's a lot more relaxed. He's the first to ask about getting on the training schedule, and Steve's smile lights up the room.

By 8:57 AM, Bucky's waiting in the same conference room as the day before, a mug of black coffee at hand, and a blank notepad and pen on the table in front of him.

Comments

[marvel_npc]

Riley's pleased to see the Sergeant waiting in the library conference room, and not just because it means he'd won his bet with Ingrid, who follows him in at nine am on the dot. "Good morning, Sergeant," Riley tells him, cheerful and smiling as he sets his laptop and coffee down.

Ingrid doesn't smile, but he thinks she's pleased, too. "How was your first day as an Avenger?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky raises an eyebrow. "As an Avenger here at the compound, you mean," he corrects. He has no intent of allowing them to infer anything other than that he was operating officially on-mission with Natasha.

"It was fine."

[marvel_npc]

"Exactly." Riley settles into his seat and sips at his coffee, not bothering to open his laptop yet. Next to him, Ingrid is typing away. "So, how should we kick this off? Do you have any priority items, Sergeant?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"One." His level stare shifts from Riley to Nilsson and holds. "You should be aware that I consider your statement of intent to report conclusions about what I want, despite what I might or might not say, to be a threat action."

His voice is very, very neutral.

[marvel_npc]

"Helpful," Ingrid says, dry, and makes a note before folding her arms on the table and looking back at him, her own expression calm.

What he wants is a dicey proposition, she knows. They can't simply ask him what he prefers, and he's unlikely to offer them a workaround, which makes their job that much harder.

Finally, a challenge.

"Good note," Riley says, encouragingly. "And how about this meeting time and location? Are they convenient for you, Sergeant?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's fine for now." Just as level as before. "How often do you intend to have these meetings?"

[marvel_npc]

"Daily, to begin with," Ingrid tells him. "To be phased out as appropriate. And of course we are always at your disposal, should you require. Day or night," she adds, just in case he's already considering calling on them in the middle of the night, simply to be an annoyance.

"And just let us know if the time or location no longer works well," Riley tells him. "Our schedule is very flexible."

[nerves_of_ice]

His eyes narrow. "Daily," he repeats, as if he can't possibly have heard them correctly.

"Why?"

[marvel_npc]

"To give us a chance to get to know one another," Riley says, easily. "Ingrid and I are basically strangers to you, so regular meetings will help us all get a feel for each other. And you're transitioning from full-time observation to something a lot more lax, so daily check-ins make sure we all can make that transition as smooth as possible."

[nerves_of_ice]

The only transition he's interested in is the one where they leave. He doesn't bother pointing that out. He's dismally certain they're already aware and that it doesn't matter.

"If that's the case," he says, flatly, "then why don't you tell me what you have in mind in terms of observation and monitoring, agents."

[marvel_npc]

His flat annoyance doesn't make a dent in her professionalism. "Nothing as robust as what Agent Carter had in place," she tells him, and turns her laptop so he can see the program she and Riley had drafted up, which is simple and concise and puts the onus of observing him on her and Riley, rather than restricting him as he had been with Carter. "We'd prefer to keep the lion's share of monitoring and observation to these brief face-to-face meetings. One of us will occasionally drop by Avenger training sessions in which you're taking part, but we will notify you and the team twenty-four hours ahead of time."

She swipes through to show him a list of security equipment as she continues. "For your own security plans, you still have access to Task Force equipment, if it would make you more comfortable to utilize equipment outside of the Stark-Avenger ecosystem. The Task Force is also able to subsidize purchase of third-party equipment, if a different direction is more convenient for you."

[nerves_of_ice]

The equipment information surprises him, but he makes note of it without commenting on it. He scans the screen, then looks at Nilsson.

"What kind of notification do you expect before I go on mission?"

[marvel_npc]

"We request twenty-four hours," Riley tells him. "Whenever possible. We know the missions can come up pretty suddenly. For emergencies, we request that at least one of us accompany you and the Avengers... but that's more something to be negotiated with Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark as the team leaders."

[from_the_outside]

She's not exactly sure what had happened, but even following Wanda's instructions to the letter had left her latest attempt at a pie a burned wreck barely recognizable as pastry. She takes a picture of the sad thing and sends it to Wanda, along with a series of question marks and a plaintive question:

what went wrong???

Probably what went wrong was that she was trying to bake at all in the first place. She should just stick to her strengths, like roundhousing a goon out a window or infiltrating a third-world dictatorship. The news has moved on from discussing the succession in Wakanda, but she has it on anyway in the other room, half for company and half because Ross had sent her some information on black market vibranium that she thinks probably pertains to her next assignment.

Not that the news would mention anything of the kind, but it's always worth waiting to see if anything useful pops up.

In the meantime, she glances at the clock and sighs, then goes to her fridge to take out a bottle of wine. With any luck, Bucky will call soon, and she can talk to him for a while before she goes to bed. He'll get a kick out of her attempting a pie again, at least.

[nerves_of_ice]

The flight had gone smoothly - both flights, in fact, starting with the farmer's borrowed crop duster to the border and then taking the smuggler's jet from there. It's useful to keep up old connections, even if it's not strictly legal. Then again, it's not like he'd chartered the flight or anything - just caught a ride-along for a 'donation.'

They'd made good time. It's early enough that Sharon's probably still awake, even.

It's been a while since he's been in this building. The last time he was here it was just to drop off a postcard, he realizes, and hastily ignores the twinge at that particular memory. The security hasn't changed, so far as he can see, but he decides to be careful anyway. Bucky goes down several blocks, then up a wall and over the rooftops to Sharon's building. The maintenance door to the roof is laughably insecure. He pops the hinges from the outside and slides it back shut, then makes his way stealthily down toward her apartment, typing on his phone as he goes to avoid any possible hidden cameras.

He sends the message from right outside her door before he picks the lock.

It's me. Don't shoot.

[from_the_outside]

Her phone buzzes and she glances over at it as she fills her glass, half-expecting a reply from Wanda. Maybe that's why it takes her a second to parse the message she's actually received.

She stares at her phone in blank confusion. "It's – "

A scraping sound comes from her door, startling her back to herself. She sets the bottle down, hurriedly, and instinctively looks for her weapon before recalling the second part of the message. By the time the door opens, she's coming around the counter which separates her kitchen from her living room, her breath coming fast and shallow in her throat. "Bucky?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He slips through the door and shuts it behind him, then leans back against it and lets himself look at her, hands loose at his sides.

"Hi, baby."

[from_the_outside]

She stares at him for a long second, then pushes forward to put her arms around him, warm and solid and here, what the hell?

"Hi, yourself."

[nerves_of_ice]

His arms close around her in turn, maybe a little tighter than they should, but he takes care to make sure she can breathe.

"I missed you," he says, simple and with the barest hint of mischief. "Mind if I crash on your couch tonight?"

[from_the_outside]

She presses her face into the crook of his neck and breathes him in, deep and disbelieving, before she huffs a laugh. "You can crash here, but not on the couch."

It takes a moment before she can do it, but eventually she manages to pull away enough to look up into his face. "But what are you doing here? How, why – "

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm not on the run," he promises, before she can go down that mental path. Bucky brushes her hair back from her cheek with his right hand and tucks a lock behind her ear.

"You're looking at the official liaison from the Avengers to the Task Force. Berlin-based, at least for now. I report to the deputy commander in the morning. Hopefully Nilsson'll have called him by then."

[from_the_outside]

"What," says Sharon, blankly. "Liaison?"

Her brain is refusing to parse any of this information. He might as well be telling her the Avengers are going to shoot him into space. "They sent you here?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Well, I suggested it to Steve," he says, gently. "We agreed it would be a good idea for me to be out of reach of the Secretary of State. And it's not like I can't be helpful, when it comes to working together on anti-terrorist things. So if your Ross is serious about the Task Force and the Avengers working more closely together...."

He shrugs.

[from_the_outside]

"He is," she says, automatically, before any of the rest of it sinks in.

He's on assignment. Official assignment. Here in Berlin. With the Task Force. Her disbelieving smile begins to grow. "You know you're going to have to actually liaise, right?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yeah, I know." He sighs, as theatrically as he can manage. "And work with Agent Riley. Who's supposed to contact me once he gets here, or at least in the morning. But I'll try not to screw anything up."