[Virginia AU] to unravel a torment you must begin somewhere

[nerves_of_ice]

I need to think, he'd told Sharon, and it's true all the way down to his bones. The problem is that he's having trouble doing it. After he spends the next half hour jumping at shadows, he considers going down into the tunnels for a while, but reluctantly decides against it. There's a five-kilometer trail on the grounds that he's run a couple of times. It'll do for a test, to see if the agents are going to have either a singular or a collective fit at his being out of the compound proper. Bucky goes straight from the garage's back exit to the nearest point, strips his jacket and leaves it on the ground, then settles into an easy lope.

By the third circuit, his mind's clear enough for him to start mulling over a few things, clear enough for him to look at the events of the last day or so in a new light. No wonder he'd had something like a - he doesn't even know how to describe it, the whirlwind of shock and fear and hurt and near-panic and desperation that he's been feeling. A spiral, maybe, but in the end the term doesn't matter, it's the reason, and when he really lets himself think about it, it doesn't take a genius or a scientist to be able to pinpoint it. All three of the people he's closest to in the world, the ones who know him best, had deceived him - or, to be fair, had let him deceive himself. And as a result, all three - Sharon more than the others, but Steve and Natasha as well - had taken harm or have been placed at still-great risk of harm, harm he's desperate to defend them from somehow. When he looks at it that way, it's really no wonder why he's reacting as he is. It's also obvious to him that he can't allow it to continue.

Bucky sets his jaw in tight, grim lines, and keeps running.

Three hours later, he makes his way back inside, absently mopping the sweat from his face and neck with the discarded jacket, and goes to find Hogan. "Windows," he tells him. Whether or not he'll leave them uncovered doesn't matter, not now. "Lots of windows. Somewhere high, not too near people. Furnished however you do as standard's fine for now. Okay?"

"I've got just the one," Hogan tells him. "I'll have it ready tomorrow. That soon enough?"

"Yes," Bucky assures him. "Thanks."

He stays with Steve again that night. Things are a little strained at first, until Bucky breaks the ice and apologizes for how he's been reacting. Steve doesn't want his apology, but his best friend listens while he tries to explain, and that's more than good enough.

Later that evening, he texts Natasha to suggest they catch up soon, and offers to bring cocoa, hoping the idea'll amuse her enough for her to realize he's not angry. Not any more. He texts Alyona a picture of Steve's bike, one of the ones he'd taken hanging upside-down, just to say hi, and texts Sharon a good-night wish.

He doesn't sleep much, due to the incessant nightmares, but at least he knows the reason for them. It helps.

The coffee's already made when Steve gets up, and conversation's a lot more relaxed. He's the first to ask about getting on the training schedule, and Steve's smile lights up the room.

By 8:57 AM, Bucky's waiting in the same conference room as the day before, a mug of black coffee at hand, and a blank notepad and pen on the table in front of him.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

“Sure you do.” Bucky gives him a wry flicker of a grin. “Send me to the other Ross. As the Avengers’ liaison to the Task Force.”

[marvel_npc]

Steve's eyebrows push up toward his hairline as his mouth opens, but no words come yet. He leans back in his seat and considers his best friend.

"You have worked more directly with them than any of the rest of us."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods. “And I have a better sense of the undercurrents overseas than any of the rest of us except maybe Natasha. I can work undercover to obtain intel like I was doing alone… only this time I’ll bring you in, and then.”

[marvel_npc]

Steve nods, slow, thinking it over. "It could work," he agrees. "It'd get you out of Ross's reach for the moment, anyway."

He looks at Bucky, thinking about how happy he'd been to have his best friend here, finally; how good it had felt to tell him he'd be an Avenger. "Let me talk it over with Tony, Alan, and the other Ross. If we do this, it's gotta be airtight."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods. “Whatever you need.” His voice is very soft. “I couldn’t think of anything else that might work. Not yet anyway.”

Not without ruining more things than helping.

“He won’t get to drive me away forever. I swear it, Steve. He won’t.”

[marvel_npc]

"You're damn right he won't." Steve's half-smile is very wry, but full of warmth. "I only just got you back.

He gets up, mind whirling. "I'll call Tony now. Maybe Nilsson, too; she's been hanging around, and it's late in Berlin by now, we'd be waking Ross up, most likely. Get Alan on the phone."

Steve looks back at Bucky, determined. "I know you're ready to move fast. You're going to have to. We'll need to make this happen before the Secretary gets back here."

[nerves_of_ice]

He knows it’s going to be revealing, and says it anyway. “I can be on a plane fifteen minutes away from here.”

How he’d located the farmer with the crop duster, how he’d made the necessary connections— maybe he doesn’t have to explain that all right now.

“And switch out from there to another near the Canadian border. The Quinjet has to stay. They’ll be watching for it.”

[marvel_npc]

"Okay." How is a question that can wait for another time. He tries for a faint smile. "I'd ask if you're packed, but I know you are."

Steve comes close and puts a warm hand on his best friend's shoulder, then pats it before he turns away to find his phone. "Let's get this thing rolling."

[nerves_of_ice]

“Steve.” He waits until his best friend turns back to him, then wraps him up in a tight hug.

“No one’s taking me away from you,” he whispers. “Never again.”

[marvel_npc]

Steve's arms go around him in an instant, with crushing force, the way they did that day in Virginia when he saw Bucky again for the first time in so long.

"You're damn right they're not," he agrees, his voice a quiet rasp. He hugs Bucky a moment longer, then attempts a chuckle. "But it won't be forever. And Sharon will be happy to see you."

[nerves_of_ice]

“It won’t,” he agrees, and for an instant there’s a flicker of mischief in his smile.

“Think I should surprise her?”

[marvel_npc]

"You know what?"

There's an answering flicker in Steve's own clear blue eyes. "It only seems fair."

[nerves_of_ice]

He huffs a breath of laughter. “That’s true.”

Bucky pulls back just enough to grin at him. “And by the time I get back, maybe I’ll have figured out what to do with all the stuff you all gave me.”

[marvel_npc]

"It'll all be here waiting for you," Steve promises, and clasps Bucky's shoulder for a moment, smiling back at him.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Good," he murmurs. "Because I'm coming back." It's the only reassurance he can give, a promise that he'll do anything to keep.

[marvel_npc]

"Yes, you are."

It's difficult to make himself let go of Bucky, but he manages it with another half-smile before searching out Tony's number on his phone and placing the call. He watches Bucky as it rings, and as Tony picks up midway through. "Tony," he says. "Got a minute? Bucky's got an idea for us on how to thwart the Secretary."

[nerves_of_ice]

He can hear Tony's surprised yelp over Steve's phone clear as day, and manages to hide a smile as Steve starts explaining. While his best friend does that, he sends a text to Alan and Rochelle, telling them new idea - call Rogers.

That done, leaving Steve to explain to them, he piggybacks on the Task Force apartment's wireless setup, to which he'd been given previous access and which he'd maintained through a code trick, to blast a message on the screens of all its secured, attached network devices.

new plan - meet SR apt now

[marvel_npc]

Ingrid stares at the message that has taken over her laptop screen as Riley frowns, bemused, at the television. "That's new," he observes.

Ingrid sighs and closes her laptop. "I hate him," she says, flat, and Riley grins at her. "No, you don't."

"I do," Ingrid promises him, and begins gathering up her things. "Come on, let's go see what he wants."

[nerves_of_ice]

While they're waiting, Bucky vanishes to his new apartment and returns with his battered black backpack, ready to go. "I'll leave the journals with you," he tells Steve. "They'll be safer that way. Better make sure Tony hides the program manual, otherwise Ross might try to requisition it. We can't assume he doesn't know about it."

[marvel_npc]

"You could take it with you," Steve points out, as a knock sounds on the door. He goes and opens it to the two Task Force agents: Nilsson, looking frosty, and Riley, grinning like a happy dog. Politely, Steve steps back, opening the door further so they can enter. "Agents," he greets them. "Please, come in."

"We've been summoned," Nilsson says, drily, as she steps into the apartment. "Apparently you have a new plan?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yeah, but if he's working on the next phase like he said, he might want it," Bucky sighs. "If it gets classified as his research stuff, he might be able to keep it secure. After all, he kept them from getting the suit before when they tried to compel that."

He breaks off there as Nilsson and Riley walk in and gives them a deliberately mild look. "From what you said before, figured you'd want to be informed," he says. "I'm leaving on an assignment. Tonight."

[marvel_npc]

"Are you."

She glances from him to Captain Rogers, faintly exasperated. "What assignment, and where? How long is the mission?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky gets in before Steve can answer. "I am." He puts full certainty into his tone, trying to leave no room for doubt or argument. "Duration yet to be determined."

He smiles, a very little. "You should like it, Agent. After all, the two of you are the example for the team to follow. In the spirit of increasing cooperation and collaboration with the Task Force, and given my particular skills and expertise, Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark are assigning me as the Avengers' liaison to the Task Force, to be stationed in Berlin and reporting to Deputy Commander Ross."

[marvel_npc]

Ingrid looks as though she very much doubts this assignment is in the spirit of anything but to annoy her, personally, but Riley beams at the Sergeant. "That's great," he says, sincerely. "Right, Ingrid? Great news."

"Wonderful," Ingrid says, her tone glacial. "Has Deputy Commander Ross been informed of this new direct report of his?"

[nerves_of_ice]

With perfect innocence, Bucky nods to Riley and tells Nilsson, "It seemed impolite to go over your heads. Besides, it's late over there, and it'd have been rude to wake him."

Behind him, Steve makes a choked coughing sound. Bucky does his best to ignore it.

"But we could call him now, if you think that'd be best."