James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nerves_of_ice) wrote2022-07-12 12:49 pm
nerves_of_ice) wrote2022-07-12 12:49 pm
Entry tags:
[Virginia AU] to unravel a torment you must begin somewhere
I need to think, he'd told Sharon, and it's true all the way down to his bones. The problem is that he's having trouble doing it. After he spends the next half hour jumping at shadows, he considers going down into the tunnels for a while, but reluctantly decides against it. There's a five-kilometer trail on the grounds that he's run a couple of times. It'll do for a test, to see if the agents are going to have either a singular or a collective fit at his being out of the compound proper. Bucky goes straight from the garage's back exit to the nearest point, strips his jacket and leaves it on the ground, then settles into an easy lope.
By the third circuit, his mind's clear enough for him to start mulling over a few things, clear enough for him to look at the events of the last day or so in a new light. No wonder he'd had something like a - he doesn't even know how to describe it, the whirlwind of shock and fear and hurt and near-panic and desperation that he's been feeling. A spiral, maybe, but in the end the term doesn't matter, it's the reason, and when he really lets himself think about it, it doesn't take a genius or a scientist to be able to pinpoint it. All three of the people he's closest to in the world, the ones who know him best, had deceived him - or, to be fair, had let him deceive himself. And as a result, all three - Sharon more than the others, but Steve and Natasha as well - had taken harm or have been placed at still-great risk of harm, harm he's desperate to defend them from somehow. When he looks at it that way, it's really no wonder why he's reacting as he is. It's also obvious to him that he can't allow it to continue.
Bucky sets his jaw in tight, grim lines, and keeps running.
Three hours later, he makes his way back inside, absently mopping the sweat from his face and neck with the discarded jacket, and goes to find Hogan. "Windows," he tells him. Whether or not he'll leave them uncovered doesn't matter, not now. "Lots of windows. Somewhere high, not too near people. Furnished however you do as standard's fine for now. Okay?"
"I've got just the one," Hogan tells him. "I'll have it ready tomorrow. That soon enough?"
"Yes," Bucky assures him. "Thanks."
He stays with Steve again that night. Things are a little strained at first, until Bucky breaks the ice and apologizes for how he's been reacting. Steve doesn't want his apology, but his best friend listens while he tries to explain, and that's more than good enough.
Later that evening, he texts Natasha to suggest they catch up soon, and offers to bring cocoa, hoping the idea'll amuse her enough for her to realize he's not angry. Not any more. He texts Alyona a picture of Steve's bike, one of the ones he'd taken hanging upside-down, just to say hi, and texts Sharon a good-night wish.
He doesn't sleep much, due to the incessant nightmares, but at least he knows the reason for them. It helps.
The coffee's already made when Steve gets up, and conversation's a lot more relaxed. He's the first to ask about getting on the training schedule, and Steve's smile lights up the room.
By 8:57 AM, Bucky's waiting in the same conference room as the day before, a mug of black coffee at hand, and a blank notepad and pen on the table in front of him.
By the third circuit, his mind's clear enough for him to start mulling over a few things, clear enough for him to look at the events of the last day or so in a new light. No wonder he'd had something like a - he doesn't even know how to describe it, the whirlwind of shock and fear and hurt and near-panic and desperation that he's been feeling. A spiral, maybe, but in the end the term doesn't matter, it's the reason, and when he really lets himself think about it, it doesn't take a genius or a scientist to be able to pinpoint it. All three of the people he's closest to in the world, the ones who know him best, had deceived him - or, to be fair, had let him deceive himself. And as a result, all three - Sharon more than the others, but Steve and Natasha as well - had taken harm or have been placed at still-great risk of harm, harm he's desperate to defend them from somehow. When he looks at it that way, it's really no wonder why he's reacting as he is. It's also obvious to him that he can't allow it to continue.
Bucky sets his jaw in tight, grim lines, and keeps running.
Three hours later, he makes his way back inside, absently mopping the sweat from his face and neck with the discarded jacket, and goes to find Hogan. "Windows," he tells him. Whether or not he'll leave them uncovered doesn't matter, not now. "Lots of windows. Somewhere high, not too near people. Furnished however you do as standard's fine for now. Okay?"
"I've got just the one," Hogan tells him. "I'll have it ready tomorrow. That soon enough?"
"Yes," Bucky assures him. "Thanks."
He stays with Steve again that night. Things are a little strained at first, until Bucky breaks the ice and apologizes for how he's been reacting. Steve doesn't want his apology, but his best friend listens while he tries to explain, and that's more than good enough.
Later that evening, he texts Natasha to suggest they catch up soon, and offers to bring cocoa, hoping the idea'll amuse her enough for her to realize he's not angry. Not any more. He texts Alyona a picture of Steve's bike, one of the ones he'd taken hanging upside-down, just to say hi, and texts Sharon a good-night wish.
He doesn't sleep much, due to the incessant nightmares, but at least he knows the reason for them. It helps.
The coffee's already made when Steve gets up, and conversation's a lot more relaxed. He's the first to ask about getting on the training schedule, and Steve's smile lights up the room.
By 8:57 AM, Bucky's waiting in the same conference room as the day before, a mug of black coffee at hand, and a blank notepad and pen on the table in front of him.
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“Think I should surprise her?”
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There's an answering flicker in Steve's own clear blue eyes. "It only seems fair."
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Bucky pulls back just enough to grin at him. “And by the time I get back, maybe I’ll have figured out what to do with all the stuff you all gave me.”
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It's difficult to make himself let go of Bucky, but he manages it with another half-smile before searching out Tony's number on his phone and placing the call. He watches Bucky as it rings, and as Tony picks up midway through. "Tony," he says. "Got a minute? Bucky's got an idea for us on how to thwart the Secretary."
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That done, leaving Steve to explain to them, he piggybacks on the Task Force apartment's wireless setup, to which he'd been given previous access and which he'd maintained through a code trick, to blast a message on the screens of all its secured, attached network devices.
new plan - meet SR apt now
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Ingrid sighs and closes her laptop. "I hate him," she says, flat, and Riley grins at her. "No, you don't."
"I do," Ingrid promises him, and begins gathering up her things. "Come on, let's go see what he wants."
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"We've been summoned," Nilsson says, drily, as she steps into the apartment. "Apparently you have a new plan?"
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He breaks off there as Nilsson and Riley walk in and gives them a deliberately mild look. "From what you said before, figured you'd want to be informed," he says. "I'm leaving on an assignment. Tonight."
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She glances from him to Captain Rogers, faintly exasperated. "What assignment, and where? How long is the mission?"
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He smiles, a very little. "You should like it, Agent. After all, the two of you are the example for the team to follow. In the spirit of increasing cooperation and collaboration with the Task Force, and given my particular skills and expertise, Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark are assigning me as the Avengers' liaison to the Task Force, to be stationed in Berlin and reporting to Deputy Commander Ross."
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"Wonderful," Ingrid says, her tone glacial. "Has Deputy Commander Ross been informed of this new direct report of his?"
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Behind him, Steve makes a choked coughing sound. Bucky does his best to ignore it.
"But we could call him now, if you think that'd be best."
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"Agent Riley can explain in person. He'll go with you."
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He lets that sit between them all and adds, as a counteroffer, "He can meet me there before I report to Ross."
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Her mouth twists, but she nods. "I'll remain here," she says, and meets Captain Rogers' gaze with her own level one. "To continue to work with the Avengers and Secretary of State Ross until an agreeable arrangement is determined. If that's acceptable to you, Captain?"
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Steve's smile is a lot warmer and more real than Bucky's own was, he notes, and isn't surprised. Steve's always been a better person, with a bigger heart.
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It's intensely annoying that the Avengers keep using the Task Force for their own ends without offering anything of their own – she has no illusions that this 'assignment' is anything other than a method of getting Barnes out of the country and away from the Secretary of State – but all she can do, if she wants any chance of real collaboration in the future, is go along with it. She turns to Barnes, swallowing her frustration. "Have a safe trip, Sergeant. Agent Riley will contact you once he's landed."
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"See that you do," Steve tells him. "Don't do anything I wouldn't."
"Who, me?" With that, Bucky swings his pack to his right shoulder and heads for the door.
If everything goes the way he plans, he can be in Berlin sooner than most people would ever guess.