[Virginia AU] to unravel a torment you must begin somewhere

[nerves_of_ice]

I need to think, he'd told Sharon, and it's true all the way down to his bones. The problem is that he's having trouble doing it. After he spends the next half hour jumping at shadows, he considers going down into the tunnels for a while, but reluctantly decides against it. There's a five-kilometer trail on the grounds that he's run a couple of times. It'll do for a test, to see if the agents are going to have either a singular or a collective fit at his being out of the compound proper. Bucky goes straight from the garage's back exit to the nearest point, strips his jacket and leaves it on the ground, then settles into an easy lope.

By the third circuit, his mind's clear enough for him to start mulling over a few things, clear enough for him to look at the events of the last day or so in a new light. No wonder he'd had something like a - he doesn't even know how to describe it, the whirlwind of shock and fear and hurt and near-panic and desperation that he's been feeling. A spiral, maybe, but in the end the term doesn't matter, it's the reason, and when he really lets himself think about it, it doesn't take a genius or a scientist to be able to pinpoint it. All three of the people he's closest to in the world, the ones who know him best, had deceived him - or, to be fair, had let him deceive himself. And as a result, all three - Sharon more than the others, but Steve and Natasha as well - had taken harm or have been placed at still-great risk of harm, harm he's desperate to defend them from somehow. When he looks at it that way, it's really no wonder why he's reacting as he is. It's also obvious to him that he can't allow it to continue.

Bucky sets his jaw in tight, grim lines, and keeps running.

Three hours later, he makes his way back inside, absently mopping the sweat from his face and neck with the discarded jacket, and goes to find Hogan. "Windows," he tells him. Whether or not he'll leave them uncovered doesn't matter, not now. "Lots of windows. Somewhere high, not too near people. Furnished however you do as standard's fine for now. Okay?"

"I've got just the one," Hogan tells him. "I'll have it ready tomorrow. That soon enough?"

"Yes," Bucky assures him. "Thanks."

He stays with Steve again that night. Things are a little strained at first, until Bucky breaks the ice and apologizes for how he's been reacting. Steve doesn't want his apology, but his best friend listens while he tries to explain, and that's more than good enough.

Later that evening, he texts Natasha to suggest they catch up soon, and offers to bring cocoa, hoping the idea'll amuse her enough for her to realize he's not angry. Not any more. He texts Alyona a picture of Steve's bike, one of the ones he'd taken hanging upside-down, just to say hi, and texts Sharon a good-night wish.

He doesn't sleep much, due to the incessant nightmares, but at least he knows the reason for them. It helps.

The coffee's already made when Steve gets up, and conversation's a lot more relaxed. He's the first to ask about getting on the training schedule, and Steve's smile lights up the room.

By 8:57 AM, Bucky's waiting in the same conference room as the day before, a mug of black coffee at hand, and a blank notepad and pen on the table in front of him.

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[from_the_outside]

She gasps, her breath catching hard in her chest as his mouth surrounds her, warm and wet and perfect while he teases her with the cool metal of his left hand. Bracing one arm behind her on the counter, the other looped loosely around his neck, she leans back, her eyes closing.

"Yes," she murmurs. "Baby, yes."

[nerves_of_ice]

He hums a soft sound into her skin, flicking his tongue over her in teasing touches and long, loving strokes, as he wraps his right arm around her waist and sets his hand in the middle of her back to brace her against him. All the while, he continues to tease her with his left hand, varying pressure and type and intensity of each touch based on how she responds.

[from_the_outside]

Lightning runs through her as each nerve in the sensitive bud of skin that he's paying such close attention to comes to life. She shivers and softly moans as her body responds to each kiss, each touch, each stroke of his tongue. Her legs hitch up around his hips, trapping him close, unwilling to let him pull away even an inch.

[nerves_of_ice]

Slowly, slowly, he shapes her with his mouth and draws his lips to the tip of her before he pulls back and surges up to kiss her again.

"Bedroom," he manages. "Where?" A quick, mischievous smile flickers. "Or here. I'm not picky."

[from_the_outside]

"Bedroom," she laughs, breathless, and loops both arms around his neck. "Leftmost door in the living room."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky's smile flashes, quick and bright, and he scoops her up in his arms, her legs still around his waist. He kisses her, then carries her across the living room to her bedroom.

Leaving the door open to let light in, he crosses the room to her bed, laying her down on it and following her down to kiss her again.

[from_the_outside]

She smiles into his kiss as he presses her down onto her bed, this bed he's never been in before and which has never smelled like him, not even over the last few days when she'd closed her eyes and wished as hard as she could. Her hands skate over his back, then tug at the hem of his shirt.

"Up," she murmurs, a laugh in her voice that matches the warmth in her eyes. "Off."

[nerves_of_ice]

He kisses her again first, then raises himself up on his knees and strips his shirt off, tossing it away.

Rather than lower himself back to her yet, he reaches for her pants. “Your turn.”

[from_the_outside]

She undoes her button and fly and lifts her hips to slide her jeans off, letting him take over so she doesn't have to scrunch herself up to remove them. He's beautiful in the light that leaks into her room, in the memory she has of him bathed in sunshine and a gentle mountain breeze.

Her fingers go to his hips, then tug at his belt loops. "Your turn again."

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles, putting his hands over hers and unfastening his own jeans. Bucky stands up and peels out of his clothes, then lowers himself back to her and pressing a kiss to her navel.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon runs her fingers lightly through his hair, smiling as she savors the way it feels, content to let him kiss her however he wants, wherever he wants.

She's missed him, and she's missed this, too.

[nerves_of_ice]

He lingers over her belly, then moves to her hip, then trails slow kisses along the crease of her thigh as he caresses her legs with his hands, coaxing her to open to him.

[from_the_outside]

She shifts willingly, pushing her knees apart, slipping her legs to either side of him, anticipation a tight, warm knot in her belly. "Please," she murmurs, watching him with eyes blown almost black, nothing but a thin line of brown around the irises, invisible in the dim light.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Anything you want,” he murmurs. “Everything you want. Always.”

With that, he presses the first kiss to her center.

[from_the_outside]

A low moan tugs out of her chest and along her throat, into the quiet air of her bedroom, as nerves fire in confused delight.

"You," she manages, when the first stars have faded from her vision. "I just want you."

[nerves_of_ice]

“You have me,” he murmurs, his lips moving against her between kisses and flicks of his tongue. “Let me have you.”

[from_the_outside]

"You have me," she promises back, a groan in her voice, shivering as he continues kissing her, licking into her, flicking fire into life in her blood. "You have all of me."

And it's not about ownership, or control, or any of the bullshit Zola wanted, HYDRA wanted. He has her because he'd never try or want to control her. So she can give herself to him freely, recklessly, trusting him every step of the way. "I'm yours."

[nerves_of_ice]

He runs his hands over her hips, following her curves, as he licks kiss after kiss into her core, warmed almost beyond bearing by her soft words.

Gently, he crooks two fingers on his left hand into her, caressing her deep inside.

[from_the_outside]

She gasps and arches, her back curving, her muscles tightening under his hand. Threading shaking fingers into his hair, she tugs, lightly.

"Come here," she manages. She's unwilling to let him push her over the edge yet, and she wants to see his face. "Come up here, with me."

[nerves_of_ice]

He kisses her again, then acquiesces trails kisses across her belly and chest and up her throat, retracing earlier pathways, before he raises his head to kiss her mouth.

All the while, his hand keeps moving, thumb pressing and circling the sensitive bud and fingers caressing her inner walls.

[from_the_outside]

Her hands trail down along his back, over the curves of his behind to his hips, before one slips between them so she can curl her fingers around him, stroking slowly. She kisses him back, breathless with want, and wraps her free arm around him to hold him close.

[nerves_of_ice]

He groans aloud as she takes hold of him, rolling his hips lazily to push against her hand, and kisses her again.

[from_the_outside]

Between his kisses and his touches and the sounds he makes, the way he presses himself into her hand, she feels like a hive of bees has woken up beneath her skin. She strokes him, smooth and slow, and rocks her own hips against his hand as he caresses her, stoking the fire as it builds between them.

[nerves_of_ice]

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing her again and again and rolling his hips. Bucky crooks his fingers deeper into her, stroking her. “Closer, baby.”

[from_the_outside]

“Yes,” she murmurs back, and kisses him again as she shifts beneath him, letting his hips slot between her thighs as she guides him down to herself. “Closer. Please.”