[Leipzig AU] a means to a necessary end

[nerves_of_ice]

It's a long flight from Berlin to Novosibirsk and the secret location far beyond it, even in a Quinjet. They spend the time planning and coordinating. Bucky describes the structure and security of the facility itself as best he remembers. Tony calls up plans and blueprints from god knows where and throws them into the middle of the plane for all to see. They're not the same as what Bucky remembers, they figure out fairly quickly, but they're better than nothing.

Tony also takes over the back of the plane and snaps at anyone who comes close, doing something that involves shifting screens and models of buildings and wave patterns and a human skull, and the eventually the low humming grind of a machine. Soon after, he stalks back up to the front of the plane and shoves a set of custom-fabricated earplugs at Bucky, who stares at them and then at Tony.

"Noise-cancelling all the way to total sound blackout. Tap the end of the earpiece to deafen yourself," Tony informs him. "Last thing we need's for you to be his puppet." Bucky starts to stammer a thanks, but Tony growls something under his breath and stalks back to the back of the plane again to work on something else. Steve catches Bucky's eye and shakes his head, and Bucky decides to leave well enough alone.

Sam advises everyone to rest in shifts; Bucky knows he's not wrong, but neither he nor Steve can do it, and after a while Sam stops trying to convince them. Natasha sits with him for a while, her eyes dark with concern. They don't say much, but there's no need to.

A Snowcat is parked outside the door of the facility when they land. Bucky's jaw sets in hard lines at the sight of it, and he trades a look with Steve.

They're already here.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"If I was, I don't remember it. But I don't think so."

She relaxes her hold on him enough to pull back and look into his face. "But everything before felt sort of like a dream. After he drugged me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"We'll find out where he got it," he promises, low and tight. "Natasha's going to interrogate him herself, I think."

He studies her expression carefully. "Do you want to tell me about it?" He's honestly not sure if that will help her or not, but if it's what she needs-- he doesn't want her to think he's unwilling to hear it.

[from_the_outside]

Her expression turns complicated, then rueful, and she shakes her head, more uncertain than negating. "I don't know, baby."

She feels better, more herself now, but there's still a deep well of upset in her chest; of fear and confused frustration. "I don't want to hurt you. And I just – I feel – "

She struggles for a moment, trying to avoid it, but can't. Not with him. "Fragile. And I hate it. I'm not supposed to feel that way. Not ever."

[nerves_of_ice]

"You won't hurt me." It's a promise, deep and sure. "I don't - I won't push you. But if it'd - if talking through it helps put it away, maybe?"

She'd been the one to ask him in Greece if he wanted to talk about the mission, for similar reasons, he remembers.

"Why fragile?" He sounds as surprised as he feels by that.

[from_the_outside]

"I don't know," she says, frustrated.

"I don't know! I feel like if I think about it too much, I'll crack. All I know is I don't like it."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Okay," he murmurs, stroking one hand up and down her arm. "Okay, baby."

He doesn't know how to help her, but he can be here for her, at least.

[from_the_outside]

Somehow just the act of him asking has loosened something in her, and the crack she'd feared would splinter her self-control shoots through her like lightning.

"He took me out in my own apartment," she says, wretched. "Do you know how stupid that makes me feel? And then he just... puppeted me around. And it was so easy. It was the easiest thing in the world for him."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky shakes his head, even as rage at Zemo surges through him once more. "He cheated. He'd never have been able to do it without the drug, baby."

[from_the_outside]

"He would have won without the drug," she says, grimacing. She's trembling now, but it's with anger instead of cold.

"He did win. He had me on the floor. The drug just made it easier to get to the plane."

[nerves_of_ice]

What comes to his mind in that moment, as he holds her closer still, feeling the way she shivers, is a flicker of memory from long, long ago, when talking to an eager group of students at the YMCA.

"Down isn't always out," he murmurs. "But nobody wins every fight. There's no shame in that."

[from_the_outside]

"It was this time," she says, feeling suddenly tired and defeated.

He could have killed her, she knows. He didn't have to bring her all the way up to Siberia. He could have murdered her and left her for Steve to find and brought him there that way.

She's only alive because Zemo wanted to twist the knife. Not through any skill of her own. "I barely got a hit in. And then, this – "

She indicates her bruised cheek. "Wasn't even part of the fight. He slapped me just to make sure the drug was working. Or to humiliate me. Or for fun. Maybe all three."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I may kill him yet," Bucky mutters. "I'm sorry, baby."

[from_the_outside]

She breathes out through her nose and takes a deeper, longer breath in. "There wasn't much more after that," she murmurs.

"I told you most of it. He asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them all. He gave me a cover – told me to pretend to be his girlfriend. And to get him to the airport. Which I did. I helped him set things up in the facility. And then..."

She shrugs, very slightly. "I don't remember anything after getting into the chamber. Not until you opened it."

[nerves_of_ice]

The cover would work. Of course it would. Which is why Zemo picked it, after mining Sharon's mind for intel.

It still infuriates him, thinking of how Sharon must feel. He keeps petting her arm, and tips his head to lean it against hers. "No, you wouldn't remember anything," he says, softly.

[from_the_outside]

She nudges her head against his and closes her eyes, winding her arms around his neck.

"He didn't count on you, though," she mutters, fierce. "He got it wrong. All of it."

She's viciously happy that Bucky hadn't had a chance to update her, that she'd had no idea that Tony already knew, that they'd had a chance to start working through it all. "He must have been so surprised. Asshole."

[nerves_of_ice]

"He thought you and Steve were together," Bucky tells her.

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah," she says, rueful.

"Fortunately he was so sure he was right he didn't bother confirming in clear terms. And he only asked what you were doing with the Task Force. He didn't tell me to elaborate."

[nerves_of_ice]

He traces the line of her cheek, then tucks her hair behind her ear.

"Protecting me, huh?" he murmurs.

[from_the_outside]

"I wish it were that," she tells him, honestly, tipping her head into his touch.

It was probably just that the drug took away her ability to proactively elaborate or determine that other information, not specifically asked for, might be desired. "Maybe it was, deep down."

[nerves_of_ice]

He presses a kiss to her temple, then stays there, just breathing, for several seconds.

"Do you want me to tell you what happened while you were out of it?" he asks, finally.

[from_the_outside]

She nods, slightly.

"Better to hear it now than at the debrief," she murmurs.

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods as well, presses another kiss to her hair, and pulls back a little - although he continues to hold her close.

"Nat and Sam stayed above," he starts. "We knew he was already there, because of the Snowcat. The plan was they'd be on extraction, looking for you, but in case any of the Soldiers had been activated... we needed them above. I went in with Steve and Tony, and led them to the silo chamber."

There's no humor in his grim expression. "After all, I knew the way."

[from_the_outside]

She nods and loosens her arms from around him, setting one hand at the crook of his neck and drawing her thumb gently over his skin.

"And you thought he'd come for the other Soldiers," she murmurs. "So of course you'd start there."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods again. "I don't know if you were in the tank by then or not," Bucky tells her. "But he killed them. All five. A single shot to the head. Said he didn't want 'more of you.'"

[from_the_outside]

"I wasn't," she says, glancing down and holding back a shiver. "He took care of them before he put me in."