[Leipzig AU] a means to a necessary end

[nerves_of_ice]

It's a long flight from Berlin to Novosibirsk and the secret location far beyond it, even in a Quinjet. They spend the time planning and coordinating. Bucky describes the structure and security of the facility itself as best he remembers. Tony calls up plans and blueprints from god knows where and throws them into the middle of the plane for all to see. They're not the same as what Bucky remembers, they figure out fairly quickly, but they're better than nothing.

Tony also takes over the back of the plane and snaps at anyone who comes close, doing something that involves shifting screens and models of buildings and wave patterns and a human skull, and the eventually the low humming grind of a machine. Soon after, he stalks back up to the front of the plane and shoves a set of custom-fabricated earplugs at Bucky, who stares at them and then at Tony.

"Noise-cancelling all the way to total sound blackout. Tap the end of the earpiece to deafen yourself," Tony informs him. "Last thing we need's for you to be his puppet." Bucky starts to stammer a thanks, but Tony growls something under his breath and stalks back to the back of the plane again to work on something else. Steve catches Bucky's eye and shakes his head, and Bucky decides to leave well enough alone.

Sam advises everyone to rest in shifts; Bucky knows he's not wrong, but neither he nor Steve can do it, and after a while Sam stops trying to convince them. Natasha sits with him for a while, her eyes dark with concern. They don't say much, but there's no need to.

A Snowcat is parked outside the door of the facility when they land. Bucky's jaw sets in hard lines at the sight of it, and he trades a look with Steve.

They're already here.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

At first the words don't make sense - and then they do, and he stares at her in utter surprise.

"She told you?"

[from_the_outside]

She nods.

"Is that okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's okay," he reassures her. "It's okay. I'm just - I was just surprised."

[from_the_outside]

"I think," she says, her words as slow and careful as the fingers she runs through the ends of his hair. "I think she wanted to make sure I understood. Why my suspension hit you so hard. And what Zemo did to me."

Very gently, she adds: "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry for scaring you."

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't try to deny his fear; not only would it not do any good if he did, he doesn't lie to her.

"It wasn't your fault," he says instead, his tone low but very nearly fierce. "You didn't do anything wrong."

[from_the_outside]

"That might depend on who's looking at it," she murmurs. "But I know what you mean."

She curves her hand, warm and solid, back at his neck. "Whatever you need to prove to yourself this isn't the same thing," she says, soft, "I'll do. I don't care if I have to say it a million times, or how tight you might want to hold on. I'm here. And – aside from a headache and a few bad memories – I'm okay."

[nerves_of_ice]

He shudders again and again, the movements wracking his entire body, as his arms tighten around her once more.

"Just let me hold you for a bit," he asks, lowering his head back to her shoulder, trying to breathe. "Just be here. With me. Safe."

[from_the_outside]

She curls into him, her arms around his neck, shifting on his lap so she can press herself to his chest, her cheek against his hair.

"I'm here," she whispers. "I'm here with you. It's okay, Bucky."

[nerves_of_ice]

It's selfish of him, he knows it, but just for a few minutes he lets himself be selfish. He holds on to her, breathing in her warmth, feeling her weight against him and her shape in his arms, and reminds himself that she's alive, she's safe, she's okay.

And will be okay, too, even without him. Maybe even better without him, once he's gone. She has friends, family, people who care about her - including Natasha - she'll be okay, even if he's never able to leave Wakanda again.

Slowly his breathing steadies.

[from_the_outside]

She presses soft kisses to his hair, runs her hand gently over his head and shoulders, lets him hold onto her as long and as tightly as he needs.

After an eternity of moments, his breathing slows and steadies. She makes soft, soothing sounds and rests her cheek against his hair, letting her eyes close as she does her best to imprint this feeling on her memory.

[nerves_of_ice]

"So," he murmurs, eventually, without moving.

"How was the rest of your day?"

[from_the_outside]

Her laugh is more a lift of her chest and a puff of breath into his hair than a sound.

"Busy. Suspended or not, Ross had plenty for me to do. And then Nat came back with me to the apartment. Helped me exorcise it, a little."

[nerves_of_ice]

"So you didn't have to go back there alone," he realizes. "Good."

[from_the_outside]

"She's a good friend," Sharon murmurs, and holds him a little tighter.

[nerves_of_ice]

"She is," he agrees, and looks up at her as her arms tighten around him.

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head slightly and loosens her arms to look down at him.

"A little better?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods.

"How long can you stay?"

[from_the_outside]

"Until the Wakandans kick me out," she promises.

"Do you think they'd let me stay the night?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"I don't see why not." He searches her face. "But then they'll know."

[from_the_outside]

"Is that a bad thing?"

She asks it gently, all too aware now of the delicacy needed. He's already worried about what will happen to her because Ross knows about them; if he's worried about the Wakandans, too, she'll have to do her best to lay those fears to rest.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I don't know?"

Halting and uncertain. He's searching her face for any sign of hesitation, any hint of what she's thinking or feeling.

"Would you mind?"

[from_the_outside]

"No," she says, and ghosts her thumb over his cheekbone. "I don't care who knows anymore. I don't want it to be a secret."

[nerves_of_ice]

He tilts his head into her touch, and his breath shivers in and out as she draws her thumb over the arch of his cheek.

"Then stay," he whispers. "Stay with me tonight."

[from_the_outside]

She smiles at him, as sweet and warm as a June morning. "Okay," she whispers, and curves her hand to his cheek as she leans down to kiss him.

"I'll stay."

[nerves_of_ice]

He makes a low sound deep in his chest and kisses her back. Bucky runs his right hand up into her hair, threading his fingers through it and cradling her head.