[Leipzig AU] a means to a necessary end

[nerves_of_ice]

It's a long flight from Berlin to Novosibirsk and the secret location far beyond it, even in a Quinjet. They spend the time planning and coordinating. Bucky describes the structure and security of the facility itself as best he remembers. Tony calls up plans and blueprints from god knows where and throws them into the middle of the plane for all to see. They're not the same as what Bucky remembers, they figure out fairly quickly, but they're better than nothing.

Tony also takes over the back of the plane and snaps at anyone who comes close, doing something that involves shifting screens and models of buildings and wave patterns and a human skull, and the eventually the low humming grind of a machine. Soon after, he stalks back up to the front of the plane and shoves a set of custom-fabricated earplugs at Bucky, who stares at them and then at Tony.

"Noise-cancelling all the way to total sound blackout. Tap the end of the earpiece to deafen yourself," Tony informs him. "Last thing we need's for you to be his puppet." Bucky starts to stammer a thanks, but Tony growls something under his breath and stalks back to the back of the plane again to work on something else. Steve catches Bucky's eye and shakes his head, and Bucky decides to leave well enough alone.

Sam advises everyone to rest in shifts; Bucky knows he's not wrong, but neither he nor Steve can do it, and after a while Sam stops trying to convince them. Natasha sits with him for a while, her eyes dark with concern. They don't say much, but there's no need to.

A Snowcat is parked outside the door of the facility when they land. Bucky's jaw sets in hard lines at the sight of it, and he trades a look with Steve.

They're already here.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"Bucky asked me not tell him," she says, gently but without apology.

"So I didn't."

[marvel_npc]

"Mm-hm." Nat considers her for a long moment. "Just so you know," she says, after a few seconds. "Sam brought me up to speed on everything you told Steve - in front of him, anyway. So I think I'm pretty clear on the basics."

"But I'm curious." She looks down at their hands. "You've risked an awful lot for James."

[from_the_outside]

"He's a good man," Sharon murmurs, after a long moment where her gaze rests on the cracked glass art. "In a bad situation. It was worth it."

[marvel_npc]

"A bad situation. Yes." There's something very, very certain about the way she says it.

[from_the_outside]

She squeezes Nat's fingers again, gently.

"It's not the whole story. But it's a lot of it."

[marvel_npc]

Nat makes a small sound of agreement.

"Is there anything you want to ask me?"

Her voice is very, very steady.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon lowers her drink and balances the glass on her thigh, her fingers light on the stem as she studies Nat.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" she asks.

[marvel_npc]

She laughs, just a little, and it's soft and oddly broken.

"I don't know."

[from_the_outside]

"Nat," she says, her heart squeezing at the sound of that laugh. "What's wrong?"

[marvel_npc]

"I didn't get him out," she says, starkly. "I couldn't. I left him behind."

[from_the_outside]

"It's not your fault," she says, immediate and fierce.

"You couldn't have, Nat. It wasn't possible."

[marvel_npc]

Softly, "You don't know that."

[from_the_outside]

"I do know it."

There's a stubborn jut to her jaw though her eyes are sympathetic. "Because if there had been a way, you'd have found it. There wasn't. And you had to get out."

[marvel_npc]

"I know - most of the time I know. But sometimes I wonder." She squeezes Sharon's hand.

"You're a good friend."

[from_the_outside]

"So are you. And, Nat – "

She meets her friend's dark glance with her own. "You don't have to tell me anything about... before. If you don't want to. But I just want you to know that I really care about him. Whatever happens after this... he was worth the risk. And the trouble."

She lets out a very soft breath. "When I think of what might have happened if he hadn't been in London..."

[marvel_npc]

She shudders, hard, at the thought of all the 'what ifs' that could have happened - that almost certainly would have happened, some of them at least if not all.

"I don't mind telling you," she says, after a few seconds. "Do you want to know?"

[from_the_outside]

There's a long moment as Sharon struggles with her thoughts.

"I think so," she says, finally. "Obviously if you want to talk about it, then I want to listen. And maybe there are things that would be good for me to know."

[marvel_npc]

"I don't know if 'want' is exactly the right word," she says, with a faint, wry smile, "but I think maybe I should. And I don't not want to, if that helps?"

She takes another sip of her drink, then studies the edge of the glass for a moment before looking up. "How much did he tell you?"

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head. "You've told me more than he has," she says.

I can make an educated guess, she remembers telling him. "He didn't want to give up any of your secrets."

[marvel_npc]

She draws a quick breath; a soft, pained gasp of air. "After all this time, after I... still trying to protect me."

James, you darling, idiot man. Nat shakes her head, even as her heart aches within her chest.

"I told you I recognized him," she says, simply. "I told you I knew him from - from the program. From before I got out. It's why I knew where to look for the file I gave Steve."

If Steve had ever wondered why she'd been able to give him a hardcopy file, he'd never asked, and she'd been grateful for that.

"What I didn't tell you is that he trained me. Trained us."

[from_the_outside]

"Of course he is," she murmurs, watching Nat with sympathy. "That's what he does."

And it makes him far from the monster he thinks he is. When he's him, when he's himself, he's one of the best men she's known.

She listens as Nat goes on and nods in acknowledgment. The Widows. The near-mythical Red Room. She supposes it would make sense for the KGB and HYDRA to have their ultimate weapon shape more.

[marvel_npc]

“I don’t even know how it began,” she murmurs, her gaze distant, seeing something far away from the here and now. “When things changed between us. I remember wanting to see him smile, I know that. And when he finally did…”

She shakes her head and focuses back on Sharon. “We weren’t together that long, not in the grand scheme of things, not really, I suppose. But it changed everything.”

[from_the_outside]

Sharon remembers keeping track of every time she'd made him laugh, the way his smile lit her up from the inside, the times she'd surprised a real reaction out of him. "I get it," she murmurs, and gives Nat a wry half-smile.

"It did for me, too."

Changed everything. Turned her from the kind of person who chooses duty every time to someone who bent, and then shattered, the rules.

[marvel_npc]

Her answering smile is rueful and warm with understanding - and then it slowly fades as she braces herself against memory. “Of course, it couldn’t last,” she says, bright and brittle.

“We were compromised. And when they caught us—“

A full-body shudder runs through her. “They dragged me away,” she whispers. “I was struggling and swearing, but I couldn’t— and he, he was trying—- they hit him with shock batons. Over and over. Until they could pile enough people on him to bring him to the ground, to restrain him, to —-“

She draws a long shaking breath and downs the rest of her drink, then concludes, “They put him in the tank after that. The next time I saw him was in Odessa.”

[from_the_outside]

"Oh, Nat," she whispers, holding her friend's hand tight. She can all too easily imagine the horror of that moment, the despair and fear and desperation, and her heart breaks for them both.

Compromised. She thinks about Bucky's tight voice on the phone, asking about her suspension, asking over and over again if she's okay, how tightly he held her that night.

"No wonder he was so worried about what Ross would do," she murmurs, as a few more pieces fall into place.