Leipzig AU: the choices we make

[nerves_of_ice]

It's a month after Thessaloniki when he slips the unmarked, unstamped postcard in the mail at Sharon Carter's apartment.

(It had taken him the entire month to decide to reach out. He'd spent most of the time burying himself in his self-imposed work and not allowing himself to think about anything other than the mission. Eventually, he'd realized that it wasn't working, and that there was only one way to find out what he now needs to know, even if he can't admit even to himself exactly why he does.)

Of course there's always the chance she'll think it's just an advertisement and ignore it. If she does, he'll try again with something a little more obvious before deciding she's not interested in reconnecting. Still, he thinks she's clever enough to catch it, and to decode the message, which isn't that subtle when it comes down to it: time, place, location.

It takes far less than a minute to pick the lock on the mailbox security panel - two seconds, maybe three, and he's able to pull it open, drop the card on top of her mail, and secure it once more.

Bucky makes his way from her apartment back down the Berlin street quickly and quietly, cap pulled down to hide his face, and disappears into the crowd.

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[from_the_outside]

She's not sure how that could be true, given the look on his face, but she is sure she doesn't want to push.

Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up at all. She nods and sips her own wine, marveling a little that he's here in her kitchen, her apartment, after a month of wondering and worrying.

Her smile crooks, slightly. "Is it cheesy to say this seems too good to be true?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Not as far as I’m concerned.” He’s acutely aware of the warmth of her hand in his, of her breath stirring the air between them.

“I keep wondering if this is a dream.”

[from_the_outside]

"Me too."

She shifts her hand to lace their fingers together, enjoying the thrill of electricity that runs along her arm and into her chest as she does. "I know you're taking a big risk for me. I just want you to know... I appreciate it."

[nerves_of_ice]

“You’re taking a bigger one. You have to realize that.”

He holds himself carefully still, even as his breath catches for an instant when she twines her fingers with his.

[from_the_outside]

"Not from where I'm standing."

What's the worst that could happen to her? She loses her job, has to answer to the authorities?

He'd get thrown in jail for the rest of his life. And that's the best case scenario.

She tugs lightly on his hand and tips her head towards the squashy, comfortable couch in the living room. "Come sit with me?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky nods, and lets himself be led across the room to sit beside her on the couch.

“It’s nice,” he says again, watching her as though she might vanish at any moment.

[from_the_outside]

"I didn't pick most of it," she admits, curling her legs up beneath her, her knees nudging his leg. "It came furnished."

It is nice, but it's really just a place to sleep. She hadn't been kidding before when she said she didn't have a life outside work. She glances around the room, then runs a light hand over the green throw, now on the back of the couch, then smiles at him. "Better with company."

[nerves_of_ice]

He makes a quiet sound of agreement and sets his wineglass down so that he can reach to brush her hair back from her face.

He does it slowly, carefully, afraid to move too quickly and startle her.

[from_the_outside]

Like in the speakeasy, her breath stops as his fingers touch her face, as he carefully pushes a lock of her hair back. The wine in her glass shivers with the faint tremor than runs through her, and her eyes are huge and dark as she carefully tips her head into his touch.

"That feels nice," she murmurs, unable to look away from him.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Do you know how beautiful you are? How vibrant?” he murmurs. “You bring me to my knees, Sharon.”

[from_the_outside]

Her heart jolts in her chest and she takes a last swallow of her wine before slowly putting the glass aside, afraid of dropping it because she's forgotten all about it, moving carefully so he won't stop touching her. "I don't get what you see in me," she murmurs.

Once the glass is safe, she shifts on the couch, wanting to be closer, setting her hand lightly on his chest. It's incredible, feeling the way his heart races beneath her palm; she marvels that it's somehow the effect she has on him. Her own is galloping like a racehorse; her breath is coming quick and shallow. "You know I haven't been able to stop thinking about you?" she tells him.

Not this whole damn month. Not since Franche-Comté, really. Maybe those thoughts hadn't been quite like this, but he'd been in them nonetheless.

[nerves_of_ice]

“I could say the same thing.” Some might wonder if she’s a danger junkie, a thrill seeker, but he’s run into enough of those to know better. She’s special, wonderful, and he can’t fathom the miracle that she’s allowing him to be here, with her. That she wants him to.

She puts her hand on his chest, and he can feel his heartbeat pick up.

“Yeah? Nothing too bad, I hope.”

[from_the_outside]

“Awful things,” she teases, smiling as his heart beats against her palm.

“Mostly about how dumb you were to have ditched me. But I guess I’ve got egg on my face now.”

She should have texted the number, just in case. Should have reached out, if only to let him know she was still thinking about him.

[nerves_of_ice]

He covers her hand with his. “I’m sorry I left you wondering.”

[from_the_outside]

“It’s okay. In this one instance, I’m happy to have been wrong.”

He’s so warm beneath her hand; she runs her thumb slowly back and forth over his chest, drinking him in. “I’m glad you healed up okay,” she murmurs.

“Although I guess that’s par for the course for you, huh?”

[nerves_of_ice]

His breath shudders in at her touch, even as he nods. “Part of the package,” he tells her, a little wry. “It’s useful, at least.”

[from_the_outside]

“I can see how it would be.”

She slides her hand slowly up, over the rise of his collarbone, and runs the pad of one finger along the edge of his collar, then slips her hand out from under his to tuck his hair back over an ear the same way he’d just done for her. “Handsome man,” she murmurs, totally lost in just looking at him.

She’d never have imagined or believed this could ever be possible; she feels like she needs to soak in as much as she can before this dream ends.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Beautiful lady,” he whispers back. He can’t look away from her, drowning in the way she’s watching him. His glance drops to her mouth, then returns to meet hers, and holds.

Slowly, slowly, he reaches to cup his right hand behind the nape of her neck and draw her in.

[from_the_outside]

Sharon shifts up on her hip and curls her hand at his neck as she leans in, guided by his gentle hand. She meets his intent glance with her own, then lets her gaze drop before she softly presses her lips to his, breathing in deep and shaky as she does.

[nerves_of_ice]

He keeps a hard rein on himself, keeps the kiss lingering and sweet, learning her.

It’s been years, years upon years since he’s done anything like this. He doesn’t want to think about how many, isn’t interested in making comparisons, doesn’t want to think about anything but the woman here with him whose breath is as unsteady as his own.

He kisses her until they’re both shivering a little, then tips his forehead against hers.

[from_the_outside]

She’s shaking as he rests his forehead against hers, as she curls against him, her fingers drifting up and through his hair.

“Bucky,” she murmurs. “You’ve been driving me crazy all night.”

[nerves_of_ice]

“Is that a good thing?” he asks, honestly unsure. “You have to tell me, baby. If there’s anything you want, or don’t— anything at all.”

[from_the_outside]

He calls her baby and she shivers all over even as he goes on, astonishing and delighting her in equal amounts. “I want you to call me that again,” she says, and her grin flashes like sunlight on water. She pushes herself up onto her knees to cradle his face and kiss him again.

“A very good thing,” she promises. “So good. I promise.”

[nerves_of_ice]

“Baby,” he murmurs, and kisses her back. Bucky wraps his left arm around her waist and pulls her closer, settling his right hand at her collarbone as he does, then kisses her again.

[from_the_outside]

“Bucky,” she murmurs. “All I want is you.”

She shifts in his arms, pushing up and lifting one knee across his legs before she settles lightly in his lap and kisses him again, her fingers slipping into his hair when it breaks and she looks down at him, her face flushed. “Is this okay?”