Leipzig AU: the choices we make

[nerves_of_ice]

It's a month after Thessaloniki when he slips the unmarked, unstamped postcard in the mail at Sharon Carter's apartment.

(It had taken him the entire month to decide to reach out. He'd spent most of the time burying himself in his self-imposed work and not allowing himself to think about anything other than the mission. Eventually, he'd realized that it wasn't working, and that there was only one way to find out what he now needs to know, even if he can't admit even to himself exactly why he does.)

Of course there's always the chance she'll think it's just an advertisement and ignore it. If she does, he'll try again with something a little more obvious before deciding she's not interested in reconnecting. Still, he thinks she's clever enough to catch it, and to decode the message, which isn't that subtle when it comes down to it: time, place, location.

It takes far less than a minute to pick the lock on the mailbox security panel - two seconds, maybe three, and he's able to pull it open, drop the card on top of her mail, and secure it once more.

Bucky makes his way from her apartment back down the Berlin street quickly and quietly, cap pulled down to hide his face, and disappears into the crowd.

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[from_the_outside]

She turns like she's in a dream, her eyes fluttering shut with each brush of his his mouth against her skin. "Wow," she murmurs, shivering more and more after every kiss as he tracks his way across the remembered marks left from the fight.

"I might not even mind getting bruised if this is what I get after."

[nerves_of_ice]

"How about I do this for you anyway, and you don't get hurt?" he suggests, kissing her shoulder at the side of her neck as he slides his hands up to cup her breasts, teasing her nipples with his fingertips, both metal and skin.

[from_the_outside]

"That seems really optimistic of you, all things considered," she says, then gasps as his fingers stroke over her, her nipples stiffening beneath the twin touches, one warm, one cool. She lets her head fall back against his, leaning her weight back against his chest.

Sharon slides her hands up along his forearms, shivering. "But it sounds like a pretty good deal to me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Me, too," he murmurs, kissing the side of her neck now, letting her head rest against his shoulder as he tries to coax another gasp from her, more shivers. He cups the sweet weight of her breasts in his hands and circles his thumbs around the tips, then pinches lightly.

[from_the_outside]

"Baby," she whispers, and moans at the light pinch as it shocks pleasure through her, leaves her shuddering and gasping as her nipples harden at his touch, sensitive and tender.

Sharon rolls her head to press her nose and mouth into his hair, breathing him in with each rapid lift of her chest, arching her back to press into his hands.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yes," he murmurs, as her reaction sends an answering tremor through him. "Yes."

He does it again, then turns her and dips his head to cover the tip of one breast with his mouth, drawing her in and teasing her with his tongue as his left arm goes around her to brace her and hold her close.

[from_the_outside]

She cries out softly as his mouth covers her, warm and wet and wonderful, and clings to him, trying desperately to keep all her thoughts from sizzling away like water on a hot griddle.

Her shaking hand strokes over his back and grips into his shirt with a tug. "Will you take this off?" she asks, her mouth dry. "Please – "

[nerves_of_ice]

For an instant he's tempted to say no, to keep her from seeing the damage done to him - not here, like this --

--but she pleads for him to, wants him to, and he finds he can't say no to her. At least it's mostly dark in here, and she's already seen what they did to him, in Thessaloniki.

Bucky kisses her breast again before he draws back from her and strips his shirt off, letting it fall to the floor.

[from_the_outside]

She wastes no time in getting her hands on his bared skin, her fingers gentle against the spot at his side where they'd rested once before. Breathe into my hand, she remembers saying, remembers the way he'd watched her as she cleaned his cuts and applied salve to his burn.

"You're so beautiful," she murmurs, and traces her fingers up along his ribs, over his chest and shoulders, flesh and metal both. Her touch is soft over the old scars she remembers seeing, but not shy or uncertain. "Bucky, you just wreck me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Look who's talking," he manages, shivering hard under her gentle touch. "Baby, it's okay, I know it's not - I'm not --"

[from_the_outside]

"Yes, you are."

She tracks her fingers lightly over both shoulders, down along both arms, and leans up to kiss him gently.

How can she say how much she hates what was done to him, how much she hates HYDRA for doing it to him, without making him feel like she hates any part of him? "I know it's... complicated. But I like you. Every part of you."

[nerves_of_ice]

Slowly, carefully, he puts both arms around her and draws her in, until she's pressed against him, so close that he can feel her heartbeat and the shiver in her breath, and that she can feel his.

Just as deliberately, he turns her with him in a slow dance step, then another, until they've reached the side of her bed.

[from_the_outside]

She smiles against his mouth and puts her arms around his neck, letting him turn them both until the backs of her legs come up against the edge of her mattress.

"I might enjoy dancing with you now even more than before," she teases.

[nerves_of_ice]

He smiles at that, completely unaware of how sweet it is when matched with the fond look in his eyes. “We’ll find out.”

Bucky kisses her again, and again, as he reaches to pull down the covers - then wraps his arm around her and lowers her to the bed, following her down.

[from_the_outside]

That sweet smile will be her undoing, she's sure of it – that or the kisses she can't get enough of, or his warm body over hers as he lays her down into her cotton sheets. She runs her hands down along the long, beautiful curve of his back and the back pockets of his jeans, running her thumbs teasingly along his waistband.

[nerves_of_ice]

He kisses her back into the pillow, drinking in the feel of her against him, then raises his head to smile at her again.

“Is that a hint?” he teases. “Good idea. Let’s see—“

He kisses his way down her throat as he shifts his weight, pulling back so that he can work his way down her body with kisses and caresses, until his hands are at her waist and he’s planting lingering kisses on the tender skin of her belly as he starts to unfasten her jeans.

[from_the_outside]

She laughs, her hands sliding back up along his back to his shoulders and into his hair. "Right idea," she teases back. "Just a little off on execution."

Not that she cares, or can, when he's kissing along her body and she's shivering and delighted, the sheets rustling as they move. She pushes her hips up so he has better access to her button and fly, amused.

[nerves_of_ice]

“I’ll try to do better.” He murmurs it into her skin as he draws her jeans down over her hips, then does the same with her panties. He eases back far enough to remove the rest of her clothing, then slowly makes his way back up, kissing her inner thigh and laving the smooth skin there with his tongue while he rids himself of his own pants.

[from_the_outside]

"It seems like you're getting there," she says, in a breathless laugh, then swallows hard as he gently strips her clothes away, followed by his own, and again as he kisses the soft skin of her inner thigh.

There's just enough light coming from the main room for her to be able to watch him, drinking him in like she can't get enough of him.

She can't. She doesn't know how even this whole night could possibly be enough.

[nerves_of_ice]

“I’m a quick learner.” He runs his hands up over her thighs, over the curve of her hips, then the swell of her rear, cupping her there and supporting her as he places a first kiss at her center, then licks into her.

[from_the_outside]

"Ah –" she groans, her head pushing back into her pillow, her fingers tightening in his hair. "Bucky – "

She scuffs her feet against the bed and pushes her knees apart, opening to him, her hips rocking helplessly against his hands and into his mouth as pleasure rockets through her, setting every nerve alight.

[nerves_of_ice]

He hums against her, confirming he’s heard her, and loses himself in exploring the pressures and touches that drive her wild. He’s attuned to every cry and shift, every little catch in her breath, and he responds to each with more of what she likes.

[from_the_outside]

"Bucky," she begs, writhing restlessly beneath him as he continues his sweet assault. "Baby, baby – "

Shivers chase each other across her skin, through every muscle, as each nerve bursts into life in succession, a warm pressure beginning to build low in her belly. "Don't push me over too soon," she gasps, laughing, even as her fingers grip lightly into his hair.

[nerves_of_ice]

He raises his head and looks up along her body to meet her eyes, his own dark and intent and searching.

“Only the first,” he swears. “Not the last tonight. As long as you’ll allow.”

[from_the_outside]

There's not a chance in hell she deserves him and his single-minded attention, or his sweet promises that hit like boiling water splashing her skin, or, Christ, anything he's done for her tonight.

She strokes her fingers through his hair, gentle and fond, her heart aching with everything she wants, everything he deserves, everything that's still so far out of reach for both of them.

But not tonight. Tonight he's here with her, his weight warm between her legs, his breath against the skin of her thigh making her tremble. "Okay," she murmurs, caught in his dark glance, the sheer want she sees in it and which is mirrored in her. "Okay. We've got all night."