[oom] see right through my walls

[nerves_of_ice]

As T'Challa stares at the hologram in the palm of his hand, he can already feel the headache forming. "She what? No. Never mind. Bring her to me in the throne room, when she arrives. I will deal with her myself."

He clears the image, then taps the Kimoyo Bead again. "Nakia. I need you."

* * * * * * * * *

"You cannot be serious."

"I don't see why this is a problem. You brought Everett Ross here--"

"Ross was dying! And he was never allowed to know that the man he was seeking was here! Nakia, I have made a promise to protect him."

"She is not a threat. Not to him."

"I will be the judge of that."

Nakia throws up her hands. "Fine. You will see. I hope it does not bother you that I stay and watch?"

T'Challa smiles. "Of course not."

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

He breathes in and then out, a long, harsh breath, and nods.

"I'll call Steve," he tells her. "Tonight. He'll come. He visits me, sometimes. He'll be able to help. There's a team. You won't -- won't have to face it alone. Any of it."

[from_the_outside]

Gently: "Bucky."

She reaches over and puts her hand on top of the one gripping the green throw, searches his face until she can meet his eyes. "It's okay. I don't want Steve's help, and I don't want to go with him and his team. I'm far from the highest priority the Task Force has. I might not be safe, but I'm not in any immediate danger either. Okay?"

Her fingers curl around his hand, and she smiles a little. "And relax a little; that throw has a surprisingly delicate center and I don't want you to break it."

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's not okay."

That tight, agonized sound is back in his voice now, and more - in the tension of his body, in the way his expression shifts between fear and desperation.

"Sharon, I-- I can't fight -- I can't help you like this--"

He shrugs his left shoulder, trying to make her see.

[from_the_outside]

"Oh my God, Shuri is going to murder me," she says, under her breath. "She'll murder me and no one will ever find the body. Bucky!"

That last is intent, the vocal equivalent of of shaking him by the collar. "Stop. Stop! Look at me."

She grabs his hand and presses it to the side of her throat where he can feel her pulse and breath and warmth. "I don't need you to fight," she says, low and intent. "You're imagining the worst. Breathe."

She takes a deep breath herself, holding his gaze with hers, steady and serious. "I'm fine. I'm right here and I'm fine."

[nerves_of_ice]

He freezes, going completely immobile as she presses his hand to her vulnerable throat, staring at her.

He doesn't dare move. He doesn't dare breathe, until she orders him to, and he reflexively drags a breath into his lungs as she does, mirroring her action.

( -- ready to comply --)

"I nearly killed you," he whispers.

[from_the_outside]

She wouldn't have thought it was possible for her heart to keep breaking, not after everything that's happened, but like he so often does, he proves her wrong again.

She presses his hand harder to her skin, shaking her head. "That wasn't you," she says, and it almost sounds like a warning. "I'm not afraid of you. I will never be afraid of you. You would never hurt me. And you won't hurt me, because you make your own choices now, Bucky."

She's not like Shuri; she doesn't know the best way to walk him back from this edge he's found himself on, so she acts on instinct instead, letting go of his hand so she can push herself closer and put her hands on his jaw, lean forward to rest her forehead against his. "I don't want you to fight," she says, simply.

It always ends in a fight.

"That's not why I'm here."

[nerves_of_ice]

That wasn't you, she says, and you make your own choices now, and he hears the echo in his mind as though he's right back there on the plane.

"I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve."

"What you did all those years... it wasn't you. You didn't have a choice."

"I know. But I did it."

Her breath is warm against his skin, her hands cradling his face. He makes himself stay still for a second, just breathing, then places his right hand against her shoulder and pushes her very gently away, while he eases back.

"All he had to do was say the goddamn words," he tells her now, as he'd told Steve - and Wilson - then. "Shuri thinks she's gotten the roots of it out, but..."

Carefully, deliberately, he eases back further.

"I don't know why you're here. But stay. Stay in Wakanda. You should be safe here. I think they'll let you, if I ask. Or your friend will."

[from_the_outside]

She lets go when he pulls away, her hands falling to her lap and to the purple and gray throw next to her.

Words?

But before she can ask, he keeps going, and she watches him, happiness sparking deep behind her eyes. "You want me to stay?"

It's a little unfair. It's a different question, and she's not sure he'll actually realize it –

But she wants to hear him say it anyway.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yes," Bucky says, without hesitation. If she needs to know she's wanted - that there's no imposition-- that she--

He makes his treacherous thoughts stop, and nods to her.

"Stay, Sharon. Stay. Please."

[from_the_outside]

She gets the feeling he's doing his nobility act again, but this time it works in her favor, so, you know what?

She'll take it.

"Okay." It comes out as a whisper; her heart is full and it's spilling into every corner of her chest and throat, making it hard to find her voice.

That irrepressible smile is starting to tuck itself into the corners of her mouth again. "If they'll let me, I'll stay."

She licks her lips and chews on the inside of her cheek, considering him for a moment, then gives herself a faint shake and arches her eyebrows, expectant. "So should I expect some goats, too? Or were yours a one-time-only flash sale kind of deal?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Oh, there's goats," he says, a little ruefully. "You want to see them?"

[from_the_outside]

"I can honestly say that is the thing I want most in this exact moment," she laughs, and pushes herself back up to standing, offering a hand to help pull him up if he wants it.

"Do they have names?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He's already started to twist the side to step up to one foot and then the other when he sees her outstretched hand. Rather than let her feel as though he's rejecting her help, he takes it.

"Not yet. I'm, um. Still working on it."

[from_the_outside]

"Well, maybe I can help."

She doesn't let go of his hand when he's up, just grins up at him and then turns to look for the little herd she'd seen before. "I've named plenty of animals in my day. Granted, most of them were of the 'stuffed teddy bear' variety, but I think it still counts."

[nerves_of_ice]

He chuckles a little at that.

"Come on, this way." He gives a slight tug to her hand to start her in the right direction. "They're usually behind the hut at this time of day. Unless they've wandered off with the kids. Human kids."

Bucky slants a look at her.

"What kind of names did you give your stuffed animals?"

[from_the_outside]

She clicks her tongue and gives him a coy look out of the corner of her eye, following along with the pressure of his hand in hers. "Great ones, obviously. There was..."

She looks playfully at the sky, like she's thinking hard and trying to remember. "Polar, the stuffed polar bear. Tiger, the stuffed tiger. Brown Bear, the stuffed brown bear. And Dog."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I think I'm getting the idea," he says, dryly. "But I can't name them all Goat, so..."

As they come around the side of the hut, the small herd of goats comes into view. There are six of them, of varying colors and sizes and coats, all busily grazing.

Bucky pulls his hand free and goes to a bin at the side of the hut. He pushes the lid aside and reaches in, coming out again with a scoop full of grain, then clicks his tongue.

One by one, the goats' heads come up and their attention settles on the humans as Bucky walks back to hand the grain to Sharon.

"Here."

[from_the_outside]

"Actually, Dog was a horse," she informs him, and laughs. "Admittedly I was four and thought it was a dog. Okay, so maybe creativity isn't my strong suit."

She obediently takes the grain and pours herself a handful, then offers her cupped palm out to the first of her new visitors, a brown-and-white patched creature that looks at her with calm, barred golden eyes and bleats.

"Language!" she tells it, and laughs again as it starts busily lipping away at the grain in her hand.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's smiling, he realizes, as he watches the goats crowd around Sharon, competing for her attention. She's smiling too as she feeds them, relaxed and laughing.

He's glad. Steve will be too, when he tells him.

[from_the_outside]

She squeaks a little yelp of surprise as one of the larger goats butts its head right into her hip and pushes her off-balance, sending her stepping into a tiny white goat who bleats in alarm and runs off only to circle around and trot back, shoving towards her hand for more grain.

"That's it!" she tells them, laughing, showing them her empty hands. Undeterred, they just start nibbling on the hem of her shirt instead. "Hey! Who raised you?"

She turns to Bucky, teasing, all bright brilliant happiness even as she's playfully shoving curious muzzles away from her beleaguered clothing. "Your goats have no manners. My old etiquette teachers would be horrified."

[nerves_of_ice]

"We're a work in progress," he says, wryly, as he walks over to rescue her. "Etiquette's pretty far down the list."

"Hey. C'mon now." He slaps his hand against his thigh, making a hollow clapping sound that gets a few sets of ears laid back in annoyance as some of the goats back off in a huff. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's okay."

[from_the_outside]

"It's fine. They were pretty horrified by me, too."

She steps back as the goats wander off back to their grazing, then gives him a playfully impressed look. "My hero."

Turning back to the little herd, she shakes her head, smiling thoughtfully. "Well, they look fat and happy. You must be doing something right."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I hope so," he says, quietly. "I'm trying, anyway."

Bucky glances after the goats, then reclaims the grain scoop and returns it to the bin, securing the lid once more. He seems to be quite used to doing all of this one-handed, to the point where it looks easy.

[from_the_outside]

"That all anyone can ever do."

He's moving well. Maybe he isn't quite used yet to having only the one hand and arm, but it certainly looks as though he's adjusting well. She tips her head towards the wall behind them.

"So, is this your new bachelor pad?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sure," he says, wryly amused. "You can check it out if you want."