[oom] see right through my walls

[nerves_of_ice]

As T'Challa stares at the hologram in the palm of his hand, he can already feel the headache forming. "She what? No. Never mind. Bring her to me in the throne room, when she arrives. I will deal with her myself."

He clears the image, then taps the Kimoyo Bead again. "Nakia. I need you."

* * * * * * * * *

"You cannot be serious."

"I don't see why this is a problem. You brought Everett Ross here--"

"Ross was dying! And he was never allowed to know that the man he was seeking was here! Nakia, I have made a promise to protect him."

"She is not a threat. Not to him."

"I will be the judge of that."

Nakia throws up her hands. "Fine. You will see. I hope it does not bother you that I stay and watch?"

T'Challa smiles. "Of course not."

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

No wonder Sharon had looked like hell. And he did that to her.

Bucky takes the blow, absorbs it, and adds it to the guilt and grief that he's already carrying. He walks in silence beside Nakia for several more steps before he speaks again.

"I know how she feels." His voice sounds different from how Nakia's heard it before -- cool, empty, and flat as the blade of a knife. "I don't understand why, but I know. Even after I almost killed her."

Grass shifts under their feet. It's almost the only sound around them.

"I can't be what she wants, Nakia. What she needs. If you want to keep her away from me, I won't fight it."

[from_the_outside]

Nakia pauses, then frowns at him, hard.

"What do you mean, you almost killed her?"

It is very clear that whatever Sharon told her, that had not been part of it.

[nerves_of_ice]

"In Berlin," Bucky tells her. "At the JTTF. After I was activated."

He stops walking and turns to meet her gaze, his own level. He doesn't know how much Nakia knows, how much T'Challa might have told her, how much Sharon clearly hasn't. He doesn't try to defend himself from his own actions.

He still did it.

"She was one of the people trying to stop me. I smashed a table with her body and left her lying in the wreckage. Concussion, bruises, contusions, broken ribs. If I hadn't been distracted by another fighter, I would have killed her, without hesitation."

[from_the_outside]

Nakia curses softly in Wakandan, shaking her head as she absorbs this information.

After a moment, she breathes deeply. "You also tried to kill my love," she says. "And he has forgiven you. If Sharon has forgiven you also, I must respect her choice."

Something in her eyes and face softens, slightly, as she looks at him. "I do not blame you for the Winter Soldier's actions in Berlin. And I believe if you had killed her, you would have felt the full weight of it once you awoke as yourself. Yes?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yes."

The conviction in the single word is as heavy as stone.

"I know it wasn't my choice. What I did. But I did it."

[from_the_outside]

"Yes, you did."

She agrees without judgement, not unkindly. "What's done is done. I cannot change it, and neither can you. There is only what we can do from today forward."

She studies him for a moment. "You say you cannot be what she wants, but it seems you already are. Whatever I think or say will not change her opinion. As for keeping her away from you...do you think I or anyone else could force her to do something she is not willing to do?"

[nerves_of_ice]

--it seems you already are--

He shakes his head, but doesn't say anything until Nakia finishes speaking. The barest hint of a wry smile touches the corner of his mouth at her question.

"Not likely."

[from_the_outside]

"She gave up everything to help you and your friends in Berlin," Nakia chides. "She may never see her home or family again.

"Everyone is telling her to be careful with you. I am here to say: do not be careless with her."

[nerves_of_ice]

She gave up everything.

She did, he knows. She'd already lost Peggy, and then within the space of a day, had sacrificed everything else as well. For him, and for Steve.

Steve, who'd made unthinkable sacrifices of his own, never hesitating. Not to mention the rest of them.

The Winter Soldier was the weapon aimed at the Avengers and those close to them, and as so often before, the results are without question: the mission was successful.

"I know," he says, very quietly. "I won't. I promise."

He draws a single breath.

"But maybe you could do one thing for me."

[from_the_outside]

Nakia has clearly said her piece, and she nods: not in agreement, but in permission for him to go on.

"What is it?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Get a doctor to see her."

Quiet worry is in his glance, if not his tone, as he meets her eyes.

"I'd be surprised if she's had those ribs checked since she went on the run, and that's the second time she's broken them in the last two months."

[from_the_outside]

There's a slight, surprised pause, and then Nakia swears again, all exasperation, but this time it's not aimed at him. "This one. Yes. I will."

A beat, and she adds. "And I will not let her attempt anything too strenuous in Shuri's lab until a doctor tells her she may."

She lifts her hands and lets them fall, shaking her head. "Thank you."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Thank you," he answers, as quietly as before. "For everything."

[from_the_outside]

"Do not thank me yet," she warns. "Remember what I said."

Sharon might be inclined to go easy on him, but Nakia has no such compunctions. Idiot man.

After holding his gaze for a moment more, she turns and walks off, all regal grace ruined only slightly by the darkly muttered Wakandan curses that come floating back towards him on the breeze.

[nerves_of_ice]

The impulse to laugh is fleeting. Probably for the best, he thinks.

He stays where he is until Nakia crosses the top of the hill, and only then turns to walk back to the hut. He takes his time tending to the goats, each action careful and deliberate, giving each one his full focus. After that, he turns to all the other routine tasks that go with keeping himself alive and functional, and completes each one dutifully.

It keeps him from thinking.