nerves_of_ice | [oom] see right through my walls

"That's the best kind," Steve laughs. "What is it?"

"Sharon made it out of Germany," Bucky says, simply, and watches Steve's eyes go wide.

I haven't seen Steve since Leipzig, she'd said. He knows his best friend, knows how big his heart is; knows how he must have worried, even if he hadn't said anything about it.

"She's safe," he continues. "She's here."

"She's there?"

He manages a wry smile. "Yeah. Turns out she stuck a tracker in my boot when she brought all the gear."

Bucky turns to Sharon, and tips his head to the side to beckon her forward. The look in his eyes is steady and kind, the same as it was on a night almost two months ago.

You know what I've done. I'm a bad bet.

If she never saw that look in his eyes again, at least in regards to her and Steve Rogers, it would still be too soon. She meets it with something wry in her own, her fingers rubbing fretfully against each other, before she shakes back her hair and comes into view, smiling at Steve's hologram.

It's easy to smile at him, especially when he looks so happy to see her. "You guys aren't rid of me yet," she says, teasing, and he laughs.

"It's good to see you, Sharon. You got out okay?"

"I got out fine. No problems." She doesn't know if Steve is seeing them from the waist up or not, but she keeps her hands low as they twist together. Her own smile is warm. "It's good to see you too. Pretty sure that beard's not regulation, though."

He chuckles and strokes his chin a little self-consciously. "Well, neither am I, these days."

"You get used to that eventually, I hear," Bucky says, keeping his tone light, and chuckles when Steve gives him a look, a chuckle that's answered by Steve's own wry laugh of acknowledgement before he turns his attention back to Sharon.

Bucky thinks for a moment about leaving the two of them to talk alone, and decides against it. For one thing, he's not entirely sure that Sharon won't yank him back or say something in a headlong rush to stop him, and for another, he's not sure it wouldn't make Steve worry if he did.

They'll have time for calls of their own, just the two of them, now that they know how to find each other. Come to think of it --

"Sharon's thinking of sticking around here for a bit," he says, and can't miss the quick flash of relief that crosses Steve's expression. "Shuri's already angling to have her test stuff in the lab."

"Oh yeah?" Steve looks at Sharon. "What kind of stuff?"

"Classified stuff," she says, arch, and considers smacking herself in the forehead when Steve laughs. She's not trying to flirt, but it's easy to settle into a quick back-and-forth with him.

"Really?" he says in amused disbelief. "That's what you're going with?"

She smiles faintly. "Old habits."

"Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll be a huge help," he says, warm and sincere. He's always so kind. "You certainly helped us a lot."

Her shoulders loosen a little, and her expression turns softly wry. "I'm just glad everyone made it out in one piece."

A beat of silence, and she glances with exaggerated eyebrows at Bucky, her lips twitching towards a smile again. "Mostly, anyhow."

"Mostly," he says, his tone bone-dry, and Steve grimaces slightly before Bucky shakes his head at him. "Hey, she's not wrong."

A beat, while they trade a glance, and this time Bucky nods.

"I'm bringing her up to speed later. There's a lot to catch up on," he adds, quietly, and Steve nods. "Yeah, there is. Thanks."

His gaze turns back to Sharon. "And thank you. Again. I mean it - you helped us a lot. We wouldn't have made it without you."

"That's me," she says, a little wry. "Handy in a pinch."

Lightly: "Besides, it was only a matter of time before some fool Task Force member would try Sam's wings and fly into the side of a building, so I figure I was really doing them a favor, too."

Her fingers, out of sight, twist together. "How are you doing? You look okay, at least. No obvious holes, which is always good."

He chuckles. "Sam would never have let me hear the end of it."

Steve shakes his head, amused at some thought, then meets her eyes. "I'm good," he says, simply, seriously. "I'm okay. Avoiding holes. Working with Sam and Nat on the kind of stuff you two were up to in France and Greece."

He says it matter-of-factly, without any hint of upset or blame.

"Oh, good," she says, after a long pause where she really wants to just go whack her head against the wall for a few minutes. "You heard about that."

She shoots Bucky an amused, teasingly wry look, and shakes her head. Well, it's for the best: she hadn't wanted to lie to Steve and neither had he.

And it looks like the two of them have sorted some stuff out. That's good. "Sorry for the misdirection."

"We had some time to catch up on the flight to Siberia," Bucky says, quietly, and Steve nods.

"It's okay, Sharon, really. I understand. You were in a difficult position," he tells her. "I'm just glad to know that someone had an eye on him," he adds, lightly, his glance going back to Bucky, who gives him a wry look.

"Two eyes, when I could," she says, still studying Bucky and frowning slightly.

It maybe wasn't the world's most comfortable position to be in, but it wasn't really all that difficult. She'd told Bucky ahead of time that she would be lying to Steve about him. She's apologetic about it, but she'd do it again in a heartbeat if he needed her to.

After a second, she gives herself a mental shake, and turns a half-smile back to Steve. "But speaking of catching up, you guys probably have a lot to talk about, huh? I'll leave you to it."

For a second, she thinks about doing this differently, about stepping near and reaching up to press a kiss to his scruffy cheek the way she had in Polygyros, in the museum, and just shattering this made-up narrative he's got in his head in one fell swoop.

But she doesn't. She puts a warm hand on Bucky's arm to get his attention. "I'm just going to be right out there with Shuri," she says, like it's a promise.

It might be; she actually hasn't been out of his sight for more than a minute since she got here.

Turning back to Steve, she lifts her hand to wave. "It's really good to see you, Steve. Maybe we can catch up later. Will you tell Sam and Nat hi for me?"

"Okay," Bucky says, looking down at her. "I'll be out when we're done."

He has a sneaking feeling that she wasn't expecting to hear that, and as a result that he's going to be explaining exactly what he told Steve on that flight, but he doesn't regret a single bit of it.

Steve smiles at her, warm and sincere. "Count on it. It's good to see you too. They'll be really glad to hear how you're doing."

Shuri is tinkering with a pad, flipping through images when Sharon comes out, and grins when she sees she's not alone.

"How was it?"

"Fine." Sharon comes to lean against the table Shuri's working at and glances at the pad: she can see BUcky's handwriting from here. "Hey, Shuri. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Shuri says, "but I am not going to promise to answer if it's secret or if I think it would be funny."

Sharon laughs and crosses her arms across her chest. "Have you ever known even a single man who wasn't, deep down at their very core, a complete idiot?"

Shuri's grin is fast and bright as lightning. "Not even once."

"You're right," Steve says, smiling, as the door closes behind Sharon. "That was some really good news."

Bucky smiles back at him. "Figured you'd like that."

"You didn't tell her...?"

He shakes his head. "She just got here a few hours ago. She's mainlining coffee to stay awake right now. I'll explain everything later."

Steve nods. "You're looking good. How are things going?"

He shrugs his left shoulder, a little absently, trying to stretch the arm that's no longer there. "Okay. Still adapting to things. Sharon brought in the journals I'd been keeping - in that backpack, my go-bag," he explains, and Steve nods in recognition. "Shuri thinks she can use them to improve what she's doing with the scans."

"Good," Steve says, emphatically. "That's great news, Buck."

Shuri is explaining something about the notebooks and the scan she'd made of Bucky's brain and how she's been approaching his deprogramming, but even with a second cup of coffee – obtained after poking stubbornly at the coffee maker once again – Sharon keeps finding her focus drifting in and out.

She's here. She made it. She found him, after all these weeks of worry and stress.

She's been focused on this for so long, she's not actually sure what she should do now. Had she thought much past seeing him, giving him the backpack and the books? Had she considered a plan at all for after?

Not really. But maybe it's not a surprise. She can't imagine how much worse the last six weeks would have been if she hadn't had a specific goal in place, something to focus on, anchor herself with.

And it worked...but now what?

"Sharon," says Shuri, and Sharon blinks at her because it sounds like maybe Shuri had said it a couple of times.

The younger girl's eyes are kind and knowing. "You have not been listening to a word I said," she chides, smiling, and Sharon breathes out a laugh.

"Sorry," she says, sincerely. "It'd all go over my head anyway. But...he's really getting better, isn't he? I know it'll take a long time and he's still healing, but...it's happening. He's getting there."

Shuri nods, and her expression is very fond. "He is. And we will help him for as long as it takes. He can be whole again."

Sharon thinks of a small glass ornament, all cracks and gold wire and gunmetal loveliness, and smiles. "I know he can."

Edited 2021-03-01 22:39 (UTC)

He spends several minutes more talking with Steve, catching up on what he and Wilson and Natasha have been up to in pursuit of the group that's taken gunrunning to new heights with Chitauri tech.

At least where they are right now, the time zone's not an issue.

In return, he narrates the adventures of goat-keeping in as dry a tone as he can manage, and it's all worth it when Steve laughs.

The guilt grinds at him, threatening to take him apart down to his bones. He should be there. He should be there, he should be at Steve's side in the fight, but he can't. Not until his mind is whole again; not until he's his own person again in a way that can't be taken from him. He struggles against it anyway, struggles even harder to keep it from showing - he and Steve have talked about this, more than once. He suspects his friend can tell, but is kind enough not to mention it, not today.

It's just as well. With what Sharon had told him earlier, he's not sure he could take it, as her confession's added another share of guilt. At least he can do something about that. He's not going to be the one to break his best friend's heart.

(Although he couldn't help but notice that Steve hadn't-- no. He shuts his thoughts off from that path as fast as he can and turns his attention back to the conversation.)

"... Nat swears she's going to get me to like spycraft eventually," Steve is saying, and Bucky can't help but laugh. "Everyone's got to have a dream."

"Too true," Steve agrees, and shifts a little, stretching. "I'm glad you called. Keep it up, you hear me, Barnes?"

"I hear you, Rogers. Take care of yourself."

"You too."

The holographic image vanishes, and Bucky sits in silence for another minute or two, gathering himself, before he gets up and returns to the lab.

Sitting – even just by leaning against the table – proves to have been a bad idea. As soon as she's mostly off her feet, exhaustion sets in, the kind that this second cup of coffee can barely even dent. She shouldn't be drinking it anyway; she's just going to wind up jittery and tired, a bad combination.

Although...maybe that's okay, here. She's staying here, she reminds herself. For a little while, at least. And here, nobody is chasing her, nobody is trying to put her in jail, nobody is going to be coming after her with guns and handcuffs. She doesn't have to worry about standing in front of windows or telling people her name. She doesn't have to move on in the next couple of days because staying static means getting caught.

So what if she's not at the top of her game tonight?

She's holding the coffee that she's forgotten to sip from for the last few minutes, nodding without understanding as Shuri talks, when the door opens and Bucky comes back out. She pushes back up to standing and puts the mug down. "Good chat?"

"It always is," he says, simply. A faint frown creases his brow as he studies her.

"Hey, Shuri?" She cocks her head, looking at him, and he asks, "Think Sharon's room's ready yet? Otherwise you might have to invent a whole other kind of supercharged coffee pretty soon."

Shuri laughs. "I am sure it is," she replies, and gets to her feet. "I will keep your notebooks for now, if that is okay?"

Bucky nods. "As long as you need."

"Oh, come on."

She frowns back at him and crosses her arms, mulish. "It's still so early. I just got here."

"You forgot you weren't holding your cup and tried to take a sip anyway a few minutes ago," Shuri says, and Sharon makes a face at her.

"Tattletale."

"Little sister," Shuri points out, grinning. "It comes with the territory."

She's tired. But there's so much to catch up on still, so much to hear, even if she doesn't have much to say, and...

She's not sure she's ready to say goodnight. Even with the prospect of plenty of time ahead.

He waits patiently until Shuri stops teasing and Sharon's gaze drifts back to him, then meets her eyes.

"You can yell at me in the morning." His tone's dry, but the look in his eyes is serious. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Oh, okay."

Her stomach does something a little funny when he tells her he's not going anywhere, but she pushes it aside for the moment. "That works. But why am I yelling at you? Just so I can prepare."

Edited 2021-03-01 23:50 (UTC)

He shrugs.

"I'm sure you'll tell me."

Shuri attempts to smother a giggle with her hand.

She narrows her eyes at him, but he's giving nothing away, so she puts her hands up, surrendering.

"Well, I'm sure I can think of something, if that's what you really want," she tells him, shaking her head.

It's never been a problem before, anyway.

"I have faith in you," he says, dryly, and this time Shuri doesn't even try to hide her laugh.

"Come on," she says, turning off her tablet and getting to her feet, bright-eyed and mischievous. "You can keep arguing on the way back to the Citadel. I won't interrupt."

"I thought those kids told you not to be mean," she teases, falling into step with Shuri and tossing a glance at him over her shoulder as they walk.

He trails behind the two of them at a comfortable distance, keeping pace easily.

"I'm not being mean. Am I?" A beat. "Shuri?"

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