[oom] see right through my walls

[nerves_of_ice]

As T'Challa stares at the hologram in the palm of his hand, he can already feel the headache forming. "She what? No. Never mind. Bring her to me in the throne room, when she arrives. I will deal with her myself."

He clears the image, then taps the Kimoyo Bead again. "Nakia. I need you."

* * * * * * * * *

"You cannot be serious."

"I don't see why this is a problem. You brought Everett Ross here--"

"Ross was dying! And he was never allowed to know that the man he was seeking was here! Nakia, I have made a promise to protect him."

"She is not a threat. Not to him."

"I will be the judge of that."

Nakia throws up her hands. "Fine. You will see. I hope it does not bother you that I stay and watch?"

T'Challa smiles. "Of course not."

Comments

[from_the_outside]

As soon as he says Stark, she knows where this is going.

One mission in particular. December 16, 1991.

"The Avengers."

Her voice is slow with shock, horror. "He used you to destroy the Avengers. The mission report he wanted –"

No wonder Steve is on the run. No wonder he's off the grid.

[nerves_of_ice]

He jerks away from her and surges to his feet in a single motion with the controlled grace of a martial artist, and is halfway across the clearing in the next second before he turns to look at her.

"Yes." Flat as the blade of a knife, with an edge that's just as deadly... and directed at himself.

"There was a roadside surveillance camera. In 1991. I took it out and brought in the footage as part of the mission. Zemo had set up a screen. He played it for them, while Stark watched. While they both watched."

A single beat of silence falls. Just one.

"He used me as a hammer to shatter them apart."

[from_the_outside]

There's that bitter edge of self-loathing again, and she doesn't know how to help. It's not his fault – but he knows that already and it doesn't help.

Steve doesn't blame him, clearly. But that doesn't mean he doesn't blame himself.

She's profiled Tony Stark. She knows what his reaction must have been. "So Zemo lured you all there so he could break Steve and Tony apart, get revenge for what happened in Sokovia."

She doesn't want to ask. She doesn't want to know. She doesn't want to hear how it happened, but he's taking her through this already, despite what it's doing to him. She needs to push through. "Bucky...what happened to your arm?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Stark blasted it off. In the fight."

[from_the_outside]

He doesn't mean the fight at the airport, she's sure. He means the fight between Iron Man, Captain America, and him.

Softly: "What happened?"

Not...she doesn't need the details of the fight. What happened, in the end. What happened to bring him here and send Steve underground. "And...Shuri said T'Challa found Zemo in Siberia. He was there, too?"

[nerves_of_ice]

No. Much though he might have wished it to be, that wasn't enough information, he supposes. It couldn't be. She knows Steve and Stark both. It's not fair to leave her wondering.

The breath sighs out of him in a long, slow slide.

"He tried to kill me. Stark. After he saw. After he realized Steve already knew."

Bucky hadn't known that himself, until that moment. It wasn't until later that he'd found out how; that Zola had taunted him with it, in D.C.

"He wouldn't stop. We couldn't get him to stop. Steve told me to run, to get out, while he held him back. Stark didn't want Steve dead. Just me. So I tried. But it got worse, and ..."

He shakes his head.

"One of the energy blasts got my arm. Dropped me flat. Steve threw himself between us. He would have died for me. Protecting me."

Pure agony is in every word now, but it doesn't stop him.

"Stark thought I was out of the fight. I got hold of him by the ankle; got him off balance. Steve was able to get through his defenses. Cracked the armor; cracked the energy source in the suit with the edge of his shield. Brought him down. It was over."

If he closes his eyes, he knows, he'll see the concrete ceiling of the bunker above him. He can still hear Steve's rasping breaths, Stark's too, as they'd lain there in the wreckage -- of everything.

He stares into the sky instead.

"Steve got me to my feet. We left Stark there - knew he'd be able to call in help, knew he'd be okay. Knew we had to be gone before he did. Left the shield Howard made with him."

"T'Challa was waiting for us outside."

[from_the_outside]

Well. That's what she gets for not being specific.

So she listens, still pale, still steady, as he details the horrifying fight between him and Tony and Steve, and her heart breaks a little more every sentence for each of them.

She thinks of Tony in Berlin, how he looked like he was barely holding himself together, the strain of trying to keep his family together. And she thinks of Steve, tries to imagine him without the shield Howard Stark made for him so long ago.

But most of all, she feels each of Bucky's statements like a hit to her own body. His arm, ripped off his body. Down on the ground. The pain of knowing Steve would die for him.

Her throat works, but she stays calm even as her fingers twist together between her knees. "He stopped Zemo from getting away?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, still staring into the clear Wakandan sky.

"Turns out he'd tailed Stark. No one knew about the technology they have here, not then. Stark never knew he was there. He followed him all the way into the facility. He heard everything Zemo had to say -- then slipped back outside, and waited for him."

His lips twist, settling into something that's a bare excuse for an awful, thin wry line of what might be meant as a smile.

"He didn't appreciate being used, either."

Bucky draws a careful breath, and wipes the back of his hand across his forehead, then finally looks back at Sharon.

"He told us what he'd heard; that he knew everything. He apologized to me."

The disbelief is clear in his voice.

"He told us about what they could do here in Wakanda. Offered me sanctuary and help. Promised that if I'd -- that if we'd trust him, he and his sister would make sure no one could ever use me like that again."

[from_the_outside]

"And then Steve broke into the Raft and got Sam out," she says, softly. "That was in the papers."

She gets up from the makeshift seat and comes over to him, reaching to put a gentle hand on his arm. "I'm sorry for making you relive all that again," she says, looking up into his face with solemn eyes.

"But thank you for telling me. I had no idea."

It's...a lot to absorb.

[nerves_of_ice]

"He got them all out. Except Natasha - she got away before they could take her in the first place. But he wouldn't leave any of them behind."

As she touches him, she'll find that every muscle in his body is tense, but he looks down at her and doesn't try to pull away.

"You deserved to know."

[from_the_outside]

She nods but says nothing, and after a moment she takes her hand from his arm and just looks up at him, thoughtful.

"T'Challa takes that promise of his pretty seriously," she says, although she's sure he's already aware. "He wasn't very happy when a Task Force agent showed up on his doorstep looking for you. I guess he didn't know I was an ex-Task Force agent, but I'm honestly not sure it would have made a difference.

"I'm really glad you and Steve decided to trust him."

[nerves_of_ice]

"He does. Steve warned him that if anyone found out I was here, they'd come after me," Bucky tells her.

"He said, 'Let them try.'"

Bucky sighs, a little, as the corner of his mouth twists into a wry expression.

"Honestly, at that point, I'd have gone anywhere, done anything, if it gave Steve a safe place to land. And I'm guessing Steve felt the same way about me. It wasn't until after we were here that I really began to believe T'Challa meant it. All of it."

[from_the_outside]

"It seems like you two managed to catch up a little bit, at least. Berlin to Siberia, Siberia to Wakanda...those are some long flights."

And there was no mistaking their ease with each other on the call last night. Her smile is small but warm. "He must be so happy to finally have you back."

[nerves_of_ice]

His expression settles into something more peaceful - not resigned, but accepting.

"I told him I wouldn't run again."

Bucky slants a look at Sharon. "I also told him about Franche-Comté. And Thessaloniki. I didn't want him to think you were in the habit of lying to him."

[from_the_outside]

"Even though I kind of am?" she says, dry.

"I hope you didn't try to take the blame for that, at least."

[nerves_of_ice]

His eyes narrow. He leaves her second observation unaddressed.

"You mean were."

[from_the_outside]

She frowns at him, slightly.

"Okay. Yes. I was in the habit of lying to him."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Okay."

He relaxes a little at that, even as he informs her,

"You were operating on a strict need-to-know basis with an extremely wary, high-risk intelligence contact that you couldn't chance vanishing off the map entirely."

[from_the_outside]

Her expression flattens.

"...So you did try to take the blame."

[nerves_of_ice]

He just looks at her.

"If you'd called Steve after France, and told him you were in touch with me? I'd have disappeared again. You know that, right?"

He's pretty sure he would have, anyway. No matter how intrigued he'd been.

[from_the_outside]

"Of course."

She's studying him with a mix of wry exasperation and understanding. "But I still made the choice not to tell him. And I kept choosing not to tell him.

"And you know that I was perfectly comfortable with continuing not to tell him. If we'd actually made it to Tirana, I would have passed along the intel and told him with a straight face that I had no other contact with you. The only person who made the call for me to lie was me. And I thought it was worth it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head as she mentions Tirana, but doesn't say anything about it.

"Anyway. I told him. He understood." He sounds wry as he adds, "Which you could tell when you saw him yesterday, I figure."

[from_the_outside]

"Mm."

She's reasonably sure that after everything they'd gone through, Steve would be willing to forgive quite a bit.

After a second: "You didn't tell him about Leipzig, though, did you." She would put money on it, that he either said nothing about it at all or glossed over so much he might as well have just made something up.

He might have told Steve they'd made plans for another mission, but she's willing to bet that's all he'd have said.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Not in detail," he says, quietly. "I told him that I'd been planning another mission, and that I'd approached you about it."

You could have come to me, Steve had replied, and the guilt had threatened, as always, to drown him. They'd already made you a target once, he'd answered. I couldn't trust myself with you. I couldn't risk it.

Silence, between them, broken by only the low hum of the plane.

She's a hell of a woman, Steve. She'll be okay.

I know.

Here in the present, he meets her eyes.

"I didn't tell him anything that would get in the way of the two of you."

[from_the_outside]

She eyes him for a long second. He's not far at all from the water's edge; she could shove him into the lake with just one good push, probably.

"Oh, good." It's dry as the Sahara, and now her exasperation is back in full force. "That is just ducky."

He is so set on this, but he hasn't bargained on one thing: she may have given in on a few lesser issues, but she is not losing this fight.