[WWII AU] a brand new day

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky wakes in the predawn darkness, long before reveille would normally be called. He spends a few minutes reviewing the mission in his head before he rolls from his cot; there's no room to think about anything else. He meets Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos at five-fifteen. As planned, they're on the move before the hour has passed.

It's a long day, a hard day, but in the end a successful day, for the most part. The hidden facility carved into the hillside is no more when they leave, HYDRA's agents defeated, their stockpiles destroyed. But there's still no sign of Schmidt, nor of Zola, and that remains incredibly frustrating.

Still, there's reason to celebrate today's win, and the squad's more or less exuberant on their return, some fourteen or so hours later. Steve disappears into the command tent to debrief with Colonel Phillips; Bucky'll catch up with him afterward, as usual. He spends a few minutes trading quips with the others before disappearing to weapons storage to see to his own rifle - also as usual. Something about taking care of it helps him feel like he's cleaning the blood off his own hands.

After that, he finds he's too restless to settle yet, and figures it's not the best idea for him to be around others until he sorts himself out. Bucky wanders along the edge of camp in the dark, then veers from the path and off into the field where he'd spent some time watching the stars only a couple of days ago.

It should be peaceful there, more or less.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

There's got to be a way to convince him he doesn't need to jump on this grenade. If anything, she's far better situated to act as Stark's lab rat; she doesn't have any trauma, recent or otherwise, from any similar situations.

But if there's the slightest chance what Stark is doing could help her get home, shouldn't she bull over Bucky's protests and just do it?

Not without talking to him, first, she decides. If she can convince she really doesn't care, that it's fine, maybe he'll feel better about it, too. "You have the comparable readings for today," she tells Stark. "Anything else – and I mean anything else – you need to discuss it with us before trying to spring it on us mid-session. Informed consent, Stark. Emphasis on the informed."

[nerves_of_ice]

Howard throws his hands in the air and storms out of the tent without bothering to answer either of them. In the awkward silence that ensues, Harry Jackson steps forward, clearing his throat. "Mr. Stark's got a bit of a temper," he offers. "He'll cool off in a bit and come back for a new angle. Let's get you both unhooked, and we'll look at what we got, then try again tomorrow."

"This way, Agent Carter," Nurse Hart says, as Bucky sits silently back down on the stool. "Let's get you out of here."

[from_the_outside]

"He's not the only one with a temper," Sharon snaps at the luckless assistant. She feels bad about it in the next second and huffs an exasperated breath at herself, shaking her head. "Fine. Thank you, all."

Turning, she follows Nurse Hart's gesturing towards the changing area, and steams silently as the woman helps her change and remove the harness, then dress again.

It's not the experiments that bug her, it's the lack of information. If he'd just tell them beforehand, all of this could be avoided.

[nerves_of_ice]

Jackson's waiting for them when they step out of the changing area. Bucky's nowhere in sight.

"I'll take that," he says, reaching for the harness. "Um, was any part of it uncomfortable, or anything? We can make adjustments."

[from_the_outside]

Sharon frowns and glances around, then narrows her eyes at a shadow that moves across the ground at the bottom of the tent flap. There's a break, and then it moves back again the other way.

"No," she says, turning back to Jackson. "It's fine. Thank you, Jackson. Nurse Hart. See you tomorrow."

She nods to them and heads for the door of the tent, determined.

[nerves_of_ice]

He paces back and forth in front of the lab tent, trying to get hold of himself. It's fine if Howard goes to Phillips; he'd meant what he said, and he can take the heat. It's just--

The tent flap opens and he spins on a dime to look, then straightens to attention. "Agent Carter."

[from_the_outside]

"Sergeant." She studies him, then glances at the tent before looking back at him. "Let's take a walk."

For once, there's nothing flirtatious in her tone.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Yes, ma'am." He falls in beside her.

"Did you have anywhere in particular in mind?"

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head, but directs her steps out of the main camp, towards the outskirts where it's less likely they'll be overheard. Even her pace is different; quick and firm instead of the slow strolls of before.

"So," she says, when she thinks they're out of range of any eavesdroppers. "Want to tell me what that was all about?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky slants a look at her. She's moving with purpose, but it's easy to keep pace. Still, he's not sure exactly what she's asking. "Which part?"

[from_the_outside]

"The part where you shut everything down."

This is probably fine; she glances around and slows her pace, looking over at him. "Are you okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He doesn't stop to think about it. "I'm fine."

Bucky looks back at her. "But I wasn't going to let him push you into something you didn't sign up for. We talked about this before, I know, but --"

He breaks off there and just shakes his head.

[from_the_outside]

"He's not pushing me into anything. Believe me when I say this is far from the most awkward thing I've ever had to do for my job."

She watches him, not without sympathy. "I don't think you are fine. I think you're projecting. And I get it, seriously."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky stares at her in disbelief. "What the -- what kinds of things does your job have you do?"

He shakes his head again. "It's not that. It's not - it's got nothing to do with Zola, or any of that. It's just..."

He lowers his voice to make absolutely sure they won't be overheard, and says, "Sharon, I'm not going to stand there while someone demands that you, that you give a kind of, of intimacy you didn't choose to give, much less in front of a room full of people."

[from_the_outside]

"Undercover work can get messy," she tells him, waving it off with one hand before she sighs. "Look, I clearly don't have a good handle on what is and isn't appropriate in the here and now. If Stark's got a good reason for it, fine, I'll do it. It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable."

She sets her hands on her hips and looks at him, shaking her head very slightly. "But it's clearly upsetting you, and that's not okay with me. So if you think we should draw a line, I'll back you up."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm upset for you, not for myself," he counters. "I want you to have a choice, not have something sprung on you where you might feel like you can't say no."

[from_the_outside]

"Have you asked me if I feel like I can't say no?"

She shakes her head at him, stubborn. "What makes you think I'm doing this under duress, exactly?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Visible surprise paints his features. "Then why did you agree with me?"

[from_the_outside]

Sharon gives him an exasperated look. "I'm not going to leave you hanging out to dry," she points out. "Especially not when you're sticking your neck out like that."

She takes a deep breath and folds her arms. "Besides, Stark does need to quit springing things on us. I don't like being kept in the dark. And now we have some leverage."

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, and takes a slow breath.

"I'm sorry," he says, after a moment. "If I overstepped."

[from_the_outside]

"It's okay."

She watches him closely. "But I need you to understand that I am more than capable of handling anything Stark can throw at me. And that I don't have a problem telling him 'no' if I don't want to do something. I'm volunteering, too. Okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Okay.” He takes another deep breath.

“And maybe you were right. Before. I wasn’t - what did you call it, projecting? I don’t think I was, but I’ll admit what he said they found caught me a little off guard. So I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

[from_the_outside]

"What about what they found?"

Her eyebrows flicker toward a frown. "About how it's diminishing slower for you?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Yeah,” Bucky agrees. “That.”

[from_the_outside]

She glances around, and, on seeing a large log set up near a cold campfire, tips her head towards it and starts walking again. "Are you worried about it?"