[WWII AU] a brand new day

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky wakes in the predawn darkness, long before reveille would normally be called. He spends a few minutes reviewing the mission in his head before he rolls from his cot; there's no room to think about anything else. He meets Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos at five-fifteen. As planned, they're on the move before the hour has passed.

It's a long day, a hard day, but in the end a successful day, for the most part. The hidden facility carved into the hillside is no more when they leave, HYDRA's agents defeated, their stockpiles destroyed. But there's still no sign of Schmidt, nor of Zola, and that remains incredibly frustrating.

Still, there's reason to celebrate today's win, and the squad's more or less exuberant on their return, some fourteen or so hours later. Steve disappears into the command tent to debrief with Colonel Phillips; Bucky'll catch up with him afterward, as usual. He spends a few minutes trading quips with the others before disappearing to weapons storage to see to his own rifle - also as usual. Something about taking care of it helps him feel like he's cleaning the blood off his own hands.

After that, he finds he's too restless to settle yet, and figures it's not the best idea for him to be around others until he sorts himself out. Bucky wanders along the edge of camp in the dark, then veers from the path and off into the field where he'd spent some time watching the stars only a couple of days ago.

It should be peaceful there, more or less.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky raises his eyebrows at that observation. "Oh?"

Steve's question catches him off guard, but given the way his best friend's glance drops to his neck and the way he flushes, he's pretty sure Steve already knows the answer to that. Bucky allows himself a second to be grateful that they hadn't run into Peggy tonight, too, and shakes his head.

"I think you already know I wasn't," he says. Bucky leans over to pull his shaving kit from his pack and takes out the tiny mirror. One quick glance is all he needs, and he sighs and reaches for his washrag.

[marvel_npc]

Steve sets the book aside and steeples his fingers together, watching as Bucky wipes away all the evidence of... whatever happened earlier tonight. "Buck," he says, and sighs.

"I don't want to get into your business. But are you sure you know what you're doing?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Who else, if not you?" he asks. Bucky finishes cleaning up and sets rag and mirror aside, then meets his best friend's worried glance without evasion. "I don't have any secrets, Steve. Never from you."

Bucky shakes his head and gives him a small, rueful smile. "Honestly? No, I'm not, but it's a chance I've got to take."

[marvel_npc]

"Is it?"

He says it with deep, deep sympathy and understanding, the kind that never needs to be spoken between them. "You know I think she's a swell gal, Bucky, but she's not from here. She can't stay. What happens to you when she goes home again?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know she can't." He says it softly, so softly it's almost hard to hear. "It'd be wrong of me to wish she could. She's got a family waiting for her; parents, friends, the whole future."

Bucky stares at the floor for a second as he takes a deep breath and lets it out slow, then looks up at Steve. "I don't know what happens to me when she goes. But I'd rather have wonderful memories of what was than always be wondering about what might have been."

[marvel_npc]

What might have been. It's not the same, he argues with himself. Peggy isn't going to be lost to the future. When the war is over –

He shakes the thought from his head and focuses back on his best friend. "But do you?" he asks.

His voice is very, very gentle. "Wish she could stay?"

It's fast. But it's wartime. And he knows how he felt when he met Peggy; like a bolt from the blue had struck him where he stood.

[nerves_of_ice]

He's unaware of how his slight smile softens, of the wistful look in his eyes. "She wrote a note to the girls, you know; I put it in with my letter and yours."

He meets Steve's glance and shrugs. "I can't let myself wish for something that'd make her unhappy. Even if it might be one of the best things that ever happened to me."

Bucky chuckles, just a little. "You're probably thinking it's too early to think like that. Maybe it is. But she's something special, all right."

[marvel_npc]

Steve shakes his head, negating Bucky's opinion of his thoughts. In times like this, people grab what happiness they can... or so he's observed. A few weeks, a whirlwind romance has wound up more than once with an engagement, men and women just hoping to make it to the end of the war to make the dream real.

Bucky's got too good a head on his shoulders to lose it over some dame; even a girl like Agent Carter – the second Agent Carter. But Steve doesn't miss the way his expression softens, how he looks when he thinks about what can't be. "Becky's going to be pretty curious," he offers. "What are you going to tell her?"

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky laughs. "A little curiosity'll be good for her. No, I'll just tell her that Sharon's Peggy's niece, and temporarily on assignment here with us." He shrugs. "She is, after all."

[marvel_npc]

"She is, but..."

He shakes his head and studies Bucky, his blue eyes earnest and concerned. "She's going to know something's different, Buck. You know she will. And I can see it, too. I've never seen you get quite like this with a dame. A – I mean, a girl. Woman."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Like I said," he murmurs, "she's something special."

He reaches out to grip Steve's arm. "I know you're worried. Hell, you're probably right to be. But I don't know what else to do, Steve. I'd regret it for the rest of my life if I backed away now just to save myself a little heartache down the line."

[marvel_npc]

Steve does his best to smile, reassuring, but he can't hide the worry in his clear blue eyes.

"I just want you to be happy, Buck," he says, low. "That's all. I don't want to see you get hurt."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know," Bucky says, and his smile is bright and heartstoppingly sweet. "And right now, I am. Let's start with that, huh, pal? Let tomorrow take care of itself."

[marvel_npc]

He's spent too much time thinking about tomorrow, strategizing and planning ahead to give it all up so airily, but Bucky's smile is the brightest he's seen since the last night they were in New York together. The last few days, it's almost been like the old Bucky was back.

Steve smiles back, a little crooked but heartfelt. "Okay," he says. "I hear you loud and clear, pal. I'm happy for you, really."

He pushes all the sincerity into it that he truly feels, and even tries for a little joke. "It's going to break Jim and Gabe's hearts, though, you know."

[nerves_of_ice]

"They're tough, they'll get over it," Bucky assures him, cheerfully. "And who knows, Sharon might even change her mind and throw me over for one of them instead."

He doesn't sound like he's worried about that in the slightest. Bucky gives Steve a mischievous look. "All we need to do now is get you to ask the other Agent Carter to go dancing."

[marvel_npc]

The look on Steve's face is eloquent in how likely he thinks that is to happen. "Right," he says, chuckling, then puts up both hands and backpedals rapidly as Bucky turns it around on him.

"That's not – it's not the same thing. You know that."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know," Bucky agrees, "but I don't see why you have to wait."

[marvel_npc]

"I – we – "

Steve hauls himself back from the brink and runs his hands over his thighs before looking back up. "It just can't be a priority. Not right now. The missions – "

But he can't quite figure out where to go from there, and trails off, lamely, before looking at Bucky in mute appeal.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Steve." He keeps his voice gentle. "Of course the missions take priority. You know it, she knows it, we all know it. No one's arguing that. Just like I know - we all know - that you'll always do the right thing."

He holds his best friend's gaze with his own. "But that doesn't mean it's wrong to ask her to dance in the meantime. She's made it pretty obvious that she's waiting for you to do that. She wouldn't have, if it were going to be a problem."

[marvel_npc]

Steve links his hands and looks down, bashful. "I don't want to step on her feet," he murmurs, embarrassed, before he glances up.

"And anyway, we're talking about you, not me. But you'd better watch yourself. If Peggy thinks you're fooling around with her niece, she's going to take it out of your skin."

[nerves_of_ice]

"No kidding. And I don't have a shield to duck behind if she starts shooting at me."

Bucky reaches out again and clasps Steve's shoulder, giving him a light shake. "Hey. If that's what's bothering you, pal, I can help. Dance lessons have to be easier than boxing lessons were, right?"

[marvel_npc]

"You can borrow mine," Steve says, chuckling. "But better to not make her angry to begin with."

He looks askance at the offer, uncertain. "I don't know, Buck."

[nerves_of_ice]

"You know, that could work," Bucky muses. "You'd been talking about wanting to get more practice in with bouncing it off of things for someone else to grab and send back to you. That'd give us a reason to go off to a practice field. Stick a dance lesson at the end of it when any looky-loos are gone."

He grins at Steve, trying to make it reassuring. "It's just another kind of footwork," he promises. "You'll pick it up easy."

[marvel_npc]

"We'll see," Steve says, skeptical. "After this mission."

He studies Bucky, lacing his fingers together. "Speaking of, I know we talked about it a little in the pub, but... are you going to be okay, having her in the field with us?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He shrugs. "She promised to be careful. And from what I gather, things are different in the future," Bucky tells him. "Evidently women are in the front lines of things right alongside the guys as a matter of course."