[WWII AU] a brand new day

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky wakes in the predawn darkness, long before reveille would normally be called. He spends a few minutes reviewing the mission in his head before he rolls from his cot; there's no room to think about anything else. He meets Steve and the rest of the Howling Commandos at five-fifteen. As planned, they're on the move before the hour has passed.

It's a long day, a hard day, but in the end a successful day, for the most part. The hidden facility carved into the hillside is no more when they leave, HYDRA's agents defeated, their stockpiles destroyed. But there's still no sign of Schmidt, nor of Zola, and that remains incredibly frustrating.

Still, there's reason to celebrate today's win, and the squad's more or less exuberant on their return, some fourteen or so hours later. Steve disappears into the command tent to debrief with Colonel Phillips; Bucky'll catch up with him afterward, as usual. He spends a few minutes trading quips with the others before disappearing to weapons storage to see to his own rifle - also as usual. Something about taking care of it helps him feel like he's cleaning the blood off his own hands.

After that, he finds he's too restless to settle yet, and figures it's not the best idea for him to be around others until he sorts himself out. Bucky wanders along the edge of camp in the dark, then veers from the path and off into the field where he'd spent some time watching the stars only a couple of days ago.

It should be peaceful there, more or less.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

He nods, and takes a slow breath.

"I'm sorry," he says, after a moment. "If I overstepped."

[from_the_outside]

"It's okay."

She watches him closely. "But I need you to understand that I am more than capable of handling anything Stark can throw at me. And that I don't have a problem telling him 'no' if I don't want to do something. I'm volunteering, too. Okay?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Okay.” He takes another deep breath.

“And maybe you were right. Before. I wasn’t - what did you call it, projecting? I don’t think I was, but I’ll admit what he said they found caught me a little off guard. So I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

[from_the_outside]

"What about what they found?"

Her eyebrows flicker toward a frown. "About how it's diminishing slower for you?"

[nerves_of_ice]

“Yeah,” Bucky agrees. “That.”

[from_the_outside]

She glances around, and, on seeing a large log set up near a cold campfire, tips her head towards it and starts walking again. "Are you worried about it?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He follows after her in silence, thinking for a second.

“Not worried. There’s not anything I can do about it, right? So not worried,” he tells her. “But I don’t like it.”

[from_the_outside]

"What's to like?"

She takes a seat on the log and looks up at him, then tilts her head towards the spot next to her if he wants to take a seat. "When you got back, after Azzano, was there anything weird in your check-ups? Medical must have looked you over, right?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sure, they did," he agrees, and sits down next to her. "And no, they didn't find anything, other than me being beat to hell. Sorry."

He shakes his head. "None of the other guys in the squad ended up in the lab. No one - it's not the kind of place you come back from. I wouldn't have, if it wasn't for Steve. So it's not like there's anyone else to compare to."

[from_the_outside]

"Don't apologize," she says, gently. "It's just... it must be a hell of a shock to have gotten cleared only to hear that something stuck with you after all."

She watches him, her dark eyes serious. "I'm sorry you have to go through all this. If it gets to be too much, just let me know, and I'll get Stark to stop. He's less likely to argue with me."

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's not - it won't be too much," he promises her, quietly. Bucky smiles, a little, small but real. "And it's not your fault anyway, so don't you apologize either."

"But you're right, it's a hell of a shock." He holds out both hands in front of himself, looking down at their backs, then turns them over and watches as he closes and opens his fingers. "I don't feel different, I don't think. Or not really."

[from_the_outside]

"It's kind of my fault," she points out, then looks down as he moves his hands. They're nice hands. She can't see anything wrong with them.

"People always say it's better to know if something's wrong," she murmurs, and looks back at him. "Though I can get not wanting to know, too. But maybe nothing's wrong. I have the resonance, too, and I feel fine. Stark might be right, maybe the rate of decay just slows down over time."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Maybe. I'm not a scientist, I don't know how that stuff works." He lowers his hands to rest on his knees and turns to look at her.

"And it's not your fault."

[from_the_outside]

"Still."

She breathes in deep, wishing there were some way she can fix all of this. "I know you're going to keep going, because you want to help," she murmurs. "Is there anything I can do to make it easier on you?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"It's fine. And I'm okay," he tells her. "Don't worry, angel. Besides, I'll feel a lot better about everything once we get Zola. And we will."

[from_the_outside]

Her smile flickers, slight. "Of course you will."

On a train. In the Swiss Alps. And he won't have any time at all to feel better before he's gone. She breathes out a sigh and wrenches her thoughts back to the present. "Okay. I'll try not to worry about you, and you try not to worry about me."

She looks back over at him. "And I will tell you if I feel uncomfortable. Deal?"

[nerves_of_ice]

His smile flashes, quick and sunny. "That's a square deal, all right."

[from_the_outside]

"Good."

She straightens and holds out her hand. "Shake on it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes her hand, keeping his expression solemn even as amusement sparkles in his glance, and then doesn't let go immediately.

"Good morning," he murmurs. "Did I say that yet?"

[from_the_outside]

"You did, actually."

Her lips press, stifling a smile, and she draws her index finger lightly over the inside of his wrist before letting go. "But good morning, back."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Oh. Well, it's a really good morning, so it's worth saying again," he teases, even as his eyes darken slightly at the subtle caress.

"What do you have planned for the rest of your day?"

[from_the_outside]

"Not very much," she admits. "No one seems to quite know what to do with me yet."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I bet that won't last much longer." Bucky gives her a wry look. "This time next week you'll be so busy you don't know what to do with yourself."

[from_the_outside]

"I bet you're right," she agrees, and quirks a smile at him.

"Well, I was due for some vacation time, anyway." She tips her head back toward the main camp. "Want to grab some breakfast with me?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"I do," he murmurs. "I really do. But can I meet you there? I should report in to Steve - er, to Captain Rogers, given Mr. Stark's probably already there yelling."