[oom] i wake to sleep and take my waking slow

[nerves_of_ice]

The first few days after Bucky goes under are spent in data analysis and quality assurance. There's a lot of information in the human mind, after all. Much of it is messy and complicated and stored in structures that are interconnected in unexpected ways. And when it comes to a project like this, something that's never truly been done before with a biological mind versus synthetic structures and artificial intelligence, something that has the highest of stakes, there's no second chance and thus no room for error.

Shuri spends her time focused on the mission during the first few days, leaving the majority of the data integrity checks to her technical team. She reviews their work at the start and end of each day when she comes to check on her sleeping patient, making corrections to methods and systems and processes where needed. She makes sure that there are two untouched backups of the original digital representation stored safely at all times in case they have to start over. Finally, they're able to confirm that everything is prepared, that the digital representation is not only complete but stable, and that the real work is ready to begin.

Once the mission's done, she turns the weapon prototype and its blueprints over to a few of her most highly-trusted developers for analysis and immerses herself in Bucky's mind. She'd already drafted the initial algorithm, of course, and has spent nearly three months refining it against the initial scans, every additional scan she's done since, the data from the notebooks Bucky'd kept and the memories he'd written down. She doesn't think it'll take too long to finish it.

It takes weeks.

She ruins multiple copies of the digital representation in the first two weeks while testing the algorithm against it - first in simulation and then in practice. It's the practical part that turns out to be problematic. During the first few tests, her code destroys HYDRA's trigger programming as intended, but then also devours the memories attached to it and proceeds to spread like a virus through everything it can reach. The next series of tests fails to fully eliminate the triggers, and post-implementation simulation reveals that the damaged programming, if not fully removed, will destabilize the mind entirely over time, leaving the subject lost to madness or dementia or both. Shuri refuses to allow any of it. Even the possibility is too much. Nothing must be left to chance. Nothing of harm must be allowed to remain.

Meanwhile, silent in the cryo chamber, Bucky sleeps on.

They're into the third week before the first test is passed. All work comes to a halt in the lab as they stare at the displays. No one dares breathe until the test is repeated. When the second series of results flashes up on screen, showing success across every aspect, the lab explodes in cheers. Instead of becoming easier, Shuri's work becomes even more painstaking and demanding, as she sets out to ensure the smallest nuances are fully refined. She creates additional copies and runs the algorithm against them under high-strain conditions. She practices transitioning the new digital copy from server to server to server, trying to eliminate any and all possibility of data loss during transfer.

At the end of the third week, she sends for T'Challa.

____________________

The first thing he's aware of is the cold. This kind of cold he knows all too well. It chills all the way to the bone, pinning him in place with frigid air around him and a cold surface under him. He's too cold even to shiver. Bucky can't move or speak, or do anything at all other than lie still and quiet, listening to the soft hissing sound that's the only thing he can hear.

He drifts in and out of awareness for a while as the light around him gets brighter and the temperature starts to rise. It's not until there's a loud 'click' and the hum of the cryo chamber opening that he finally opens his eyes.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

The air in the garden room is tense, though they all try to make it easier on each other. It helps when Nakia asks Shuri to tell them about her process: Sharon half-listens and lets her mind wander, trying to keep from worrying about the fact that they haven't heard anything yet.

Ayo had told her and T'Challa both how long she expected to be gone. If things went well went unspoken, and they're still well within the estimated time.

Still, after another twenty minutes or so, conversation has pretty much come to a standstill. Everyone is worried and waiting, and Shuri outright jumps when the gentle chime plays at T'Challa's wrist – but the mood in the room relaxes instantly at the sight of Ayo's smile. Her pleasure is clear, even in holographic miniature.

"The procedure was a success," she informs them. "The words no longer have any hold on him. We are returning to the Citadel now, my king."

"Very well," T'Challa tells her, calm though his relief is clear. "We will await your return."

Ayo nods and crosses her arms over her chest, then blinks the transmission out. Everyone is on their feet in an instant, and the happy chatter that erupts is only eclipsed by Steve going to Shuri and wrapping her in an embrace that lifts her clean off the floor. He hugs her there, her feet dangling some six inches off the ground, for long enough that Sharon has to pat his arm gently. "Okay, Rogers," she says. "Remember, princesses need to breathe, too."

He's a little sheepish as he sets her down, but Shuri is beaming brightly. "I understand," she tells him. "I am very fond of him, too."

Every one is this room is, which is why they've all been here waiting together, but Sharon tips her head to the door. "I'll be back for the party," she tells them. "Gotta go change."

"I'll walk you back," Steve tells her, like the gentleman he is, and she takes his arm gladly.

Only once they're in the hallway does she nudge her head against his shoulder and breathe out her relief. Steve puts his arm around her, but doesn't say anything. They're both full of the same feeling, she knows.

And for the first time in a long while, she's not worried about tomorrow. Not even a little.

[nerves_of_ice]

He settles into one of the passenger seats in the flyer feeling light as air, and watches quietly as Ayo calls T'Challa to let him know their status. His status. That he's no longer the Winter Soldier. Or is he?

He frowns a little at the thought and pushes it aside for now. There'll be time to figure that all out later. For now, he's still basking in the knowledge that he's no longer anyone else's pawn.

The trip back feels shorter than the one out had. When they land at the Citadel, Ayo turns to him. "I promised to return you," she says, and he could swear he catches a glint of mischief in her eyes.

"Like a package," he teases, as gravely as he can, and this time he's sure of the spark of mirth that she quickly suppresses. "I suppose," she says. "Come, then."

He nods farewell to the other Dora and follows her into the Citadel. He's not sure where she'd planned to take him, as Steve spots them just inside the door. Bucky's pretty sure he'd staked it out, but he doesn't have a chance to ask, as his best friend hugs him so hard he can almost feel his ribs creak before he turns to Ayo.

"Thank you," Steve tells her, and she gives him a grave nod. "You are welcome. Both of you."

[from_the_outside]

As much as she wants to hurry up and get out to see him, if she's going to do this, she wants to do it right. The list of things she knows he likes is short. She's damned if she's going to mess up the only one fully under her control.

It almost feels like a normal night (like a real date) as she showers and shaves and begins the long and arduous and usually skipped-unless-it's-for-a-cover process of grooming herself to perfection. At least it gives her something to do as her mind whirls – Steve will fill him in on the mission, she's sure, and with that and the procedure both over, both successful, she feels entirely untethered in a way she hasn't for... god. Months, probably.

That trip to Polygyros seems like a lifetime ago.

She knows Steve will bring him over to the rest once he's had a chance to clean up and change, and even with her own admonitions to herself, she can't stop from hurrying.

As much as she can, anyway. She'd forgotten how damn long it takes to dry and brush and curl and style her hair.

It's worth it... but it takes forever

[nerves_of_ice]

"We'll meet you there," Steve tells Ayo, who nods. "There?" Bucky asks. "Where's there?"

"You'll see," Steve tells him. He lifts a hand to Ayo, locks his other one around Bucky's arm, and practically drags him off down the hall toward his room. Bucky can't help but laugh as he lets himself be pulled along without resistance.

"Worried I'm going to turn tail and run?"

"Oh, probably not," Steve says. "But humor me." He glances over at Bucky as they reach his door. "I figured you'd want to get cleaned up."

He does, he realizes - not only is he still wearing the same clothes from cryo, his face is probably marked with tears and god knows what other signs of strain. Looking at the way Steve's looking at him, he figures he's right.

"Thanks," Bucky tells him, and Steve grins at him. "What are friends for?"

[from_the_outside]

She's only worn a little bit of make-up since she got here – Irma wears more, but none of it is quite Sharon's style – and she takes her time with that, too.

It's a special night. They have a lot to celebrate, not least the relief of not having anything more stressful than a promised visit to Jabari lands hanging over their heads. For now, anyway, but for the first time since Shuri came down to the lake with her that morning last month, she feels like time is something they have.

She hasn't looked past today since Bucky went under. And she isn't yet now, either, but...

Tomorrow, maybe. And isn't that a nice thought?

[nerves_of_ice]

Steve had thought ahead, he realizes, unsurprised, when he sees the change of clothes lying on the couch. Bucky collects them and vanishes into the shower long enough to thoroughly scrub himself from head to toe. He towels his hair as dry as he can before borrowing a comb to run through it, looks in the mirror, and calls it good enough.

Steve's engrossed in a book when Bucky comes back out, but he sets it aside immediately and looks up. "Feeling better?"

"Lots," Bucky tells him, surprising them both with the fierceness of the single word. Steve's glance softens. "I'll bet," he says, simply, and leaves it at that. They both know that Bucky'll talk about it more when he's prepared to, another time. "You ready to go?"

Bucky eyes him suspiciously. "Go where?" Steve just grins, slings an arm around his shoulders, and leads him down the hallways until they reach the garden room. Bucky has only a moment to realize that they've set up some kind of celebration before Shuri lets out a shriek and dashes across the room to hug him fiercely.

[from_the_outside]

She's late, she realizes as she heads down the hall, heels clicking in a confident staccato. Not very late, hopefully. But it should be worth it.

This red dress isn't much like the one she'd had before, but it's still a knockout: a deep v-neck, tailored to fit her like a glove, and a radiant shade of cherry red that fire engines would be jealous of. She swept her hair to one side, and it bounces against her shoulder in a cascade of curls.

It might not be Aunt Peggy casually stunning an entire bar of soldiers into silence, but it's just about the best she's got.

As she gets closer, she hears Shuri's excited voice and T'Challa's deeper one over the light music that drifts from the garden room – Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald: the classics – and when she enters, it's with a grin.

"Hey," she says, cheerful. "I heard there was a party going on."

[nerves_of_ice]

They're all standing in a loosely scattered group, Shuri between him and T'Challa talking a mile a minute, Nakia saying something to Okoye and Steve having cornered Ayo for an earnest conversation that Bucky's pretty sure he doesn't want to hear, when he hears Sharon's voice and looks up.

An instant later, he's forgotten everything else.

Red, his brain informs him, stunned and scrambling for coherent thought. Pretty.

Only 'pretty' isn't enough. She's gorgeous, absolutely incredible, all long legs and a waterfall of golden hair and laughter in her bright eyes, and that red dress that clings to her like a silken second skin, and it's about at that point that he realizes he's stopped breathing and yet he still can't do anything but stare.

[from_the_outside]

Somewhere she hears Nakia's piercing wolf-whistle, but she's only interested in one person's reaction. Everyone else just sort of... fades into the background as she walks up to him, eyes on his face, taking in his stunned expression with pure delight. "Hi."

He's staring like he's never seen her before. Her pulse is picking up in response, and she can't stop smiling.

It's a good night. The first in a long while. And she'd be a liar if she didn't say this was all just for him.

There are other people around, but she's frankly forgotten all about them for the moment. She reaches to loosely twine her fingers with his and says, amused,

"Breathe, baby."

[nerves_of_ice]

It's not until she takes his hand and admonishes him to breathe that he realizes that the bright flashes in his eyes are due to lack of oxygen. Bucky gasps in a quick gulp of air, squeezes her hand, and gives her a brilliant grin.

"Hi. You look amazing."

[from_the_outside]

This dress was worth every penny for this reaction alone. She grins at him. "What, this old thing? I just threw it on."

She squeezes his hand back, completely lost in watching the way he's watching her, in that sunrise grin and the warmth in his slate-blue eyes. It's a second before she remembers anyone else is even there, and only manages it because T'Challa coughs, a little pointedly.

"Sorry I'm late," she says, probably to T'Challa, but she's still looking at Bucky.

He's here. He's him. He's fine. He's better than he's been in a long, long time, and her heart feels like it might burst from everything that's filling it up.

[nerves_of_ice]

He manages to tear his eyes from her at T'Challa's cough, but his hand tightens on hers even as he does.

"Um," he manages, trying to remember what they'd been talking about. T'Challa looks like he's fighting back a laugh, but it's Shuri who gets there first.

"Sharon! Look at you! And those shoes!" Her grin is bright and wicked.

[from_the_outside]

The shoes are good, thin golden straps of leather, graceful heels, perfect for showing off her bright pedicure, the same cherry red as the dress itself. "Not very practical," Sharon admits, "but it's a special occasion."

She lifts her head to smile at Bucky again and doesn't let his hand go as she steps to his side and grins back at Shuri. "Not bad, right?"

"I have seen worse," Shuri says, and pointedly arches her eyebrows at her brother, who sighs.

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky looks at T'Challa and gives him a raised eyebrow. Is this what you mentioned before?

T'Challa nods, and tries to shift the topic, saying, "As I was saying, it was our honor and our pleasure to assist."

"Still," Bucky says. "There aren't words to say how much it means."

His hand tightens a little more on Sharon's, and he glances down at her, smiling a little.

[from_the_outside]

"Sandals," Shuri stage-whispers to Sharon, whose shoulders shake with held laughter as she meets Bucky's glance. She can't stop smiling, and she doesn't want to try: today was a good day. They won. It's time to celebrate.

She laces her fingers securely in his. "No, there aren't."

The words don't exist, but T'Challa and Shuri understand anyway. Nakia, Okoye, Ayo – they all get it.

Even now, T'Challa shakes his head. "None are necessary," he says, lifting his hand to halt any argument, and Shuri grins brightly. "Besides," she says, "there is still so much to do! I have several designs for prosthetic arms for you to consider... but not tonight," she amends, at a glance from her brother.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Whatever you want, whenever you want," he promises Shuri. He doesn't think there's likely to be anything she could ask of him, ever, that he'd say no to. Especially now.

Steve walks up to join them, smiling. "Sharon, you look nice," he says, and trades a remembering sort of look with Bucky.

[from_the_outside]

"Thanks," she tells him, and spares a moment to be grateful that she doesn't have to compete with Aunt Peggy's memory every day. It's too much pressure for anyone.

Her hand is warm in Bucky's as she says, "And thanks for getting this one all cleaned up."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Least I could do," Steve says. "Although I guess I should have brought him some fancier clothes."

Nakia, Okoye, and Ayo join the loose grouping in time to hear this, and all three of them turn to look thoughtfully at Bucky, who eyes them back a little warily - especially Nakia.

[from_the_outside]

"I don't even think you have fancier clothes," she says to Bucky. But it doesn't matter. She's by far the most dressed-up of all of them, and she had a very specific reason for it.

Okoye and Ayo give him a critical onceover. Somehow they always manage to look perfectly polished; it must be some secret Dora technique or other. "He will do," Okoye says, finally, before giving him an amused look as Ayo laughs.

Nakia comes to stand next to T'Challa, and the expression on her face as she looks at Bucky is nothing but warmth and pleasure. "Are you all going to stand around talking all night?" she teases. "Come, this man must be hungry. He has not eaten for almost a month."

[nerves_of_ice]

He shrugs, just a little, and the corner of his mouth turns up in a wry smile. "Haven't needed anything but a uniform to be dressed up since 1943," he points out, and Steve grins at him. "I know the feeling."

They both look at Nakia at the same time when she gently scolds them, and Steve pats Bucky on the back.

"She's got a point."

"And we have much to choose from," Shuri says, beaming, and leads the way to the table with its large selection of dishes.

[from_the_outside]

"We're a little short on that particular uniform," Sharon admits, although there's definitely a slightly far away look in her eyes for a moment.

(If it seems like she's remembering a few specific photos from 1943, it's because she is.)

"But the good news is, you don't need to dress up for anything."

What he does need is some food, and she's a little embarrassed at the fact that she has to wrestle with herself a bit before letting go of his hand so they can both fill plates. Neither of them are going anywhere, she doesn't have to be touching him at every second to remind herself of that fact.

Still, she sticks close to his side, and when he finds a seat, she pulls up the next one over.

[nerves_of_ice]

Steve settles easily on Bucky's left with his own plate, as everyone else finds their own seats in the comfortable, casual grouping. He can't seem to stop smiling. Neither can Bucky, for that matter - from small, disbelieving smiles to the occasional bright, brilliant grin.

"So," he asks, "aside from the mission, what'd I miss?"

[from_the_outside]

Shuri shakes her head. "I was busy," she says. Sharon avoids Nakia's glance and digs into her food instead; like everything else she's eaten here, it's excellent.

"I've been working the Chitauri tech end of Gray's supply chain," Steve says. "Apparently he folded so fast Ross didn't even get a chance to threaten him with anything."

Sharon isn't surprised: the man was only in it for the money. If he can turn evidence and get a clean slate, he will.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Good," Bucky says. "Although disappointing for Ross, I bet." His voice is bone-dry.

"I have news from M'Baku," T'Challa puts in, and Okoye does an excellent job of keeping her expression blank. "He was very pleased to share that he has wrapped up those who thought they could conduct such operations on Jabari lands. I gather no one will dare try anything of the sort again."

[from_the_outside]

"I'm sure he was pleased," Sharon murmurs to Nakia, who stifles a laugh. "Sounds like somebody had some fun."

She can believe M'Baku is more than enough of a deterrent to keep the bad guys at bay. "We have also successfully removed the rogue elements from the mines," Okoye says. Her tone is calm, but there's definitely something smug underlying it. "And apprehended the distributor Ms. Carter and Captain Rogers met with."

Sharon wasn't part of that operation, but she'd seen some of it go down. Her main takeaway is that she never, ever wants to be on the Dora's shit list.