[WWII AU] a long-awaited mission

[nerves_of_ice]

He'd wondered what was up when Steve had asked him to join the strategy meeting with him and Colonel Phillips that morning, just after breakfast. His best friend had tried to keep it casual, given that the guys were around, but Bucky can still read him as easy as any book.

It had taken less than three minutes for him to realize, and a solid five hours for them to plan the details of the mission. They'd worked through lunch, and by the time he leaves officers' country, Bucky's nearly vibrating with excitement.

Zola. After all this time, they've finally got a lead on the son-of-a-bitch. And it's a good one. First Zola, then Schmidt, and then--

He doesn't let himself think about that yet. He can't. Bucky reminds himself to stay focused as he moves quickly along the hallways, heading for the weapons room.

They'll all be getting the official orders at the afternoon's training session, but he can't sit still. Not now. Might as well check over his gear and make sure everything's as tuned up as it can possibly be.

Comments

[nerves_of_ice]

“Me either. So.” He’s kept himself from asking all this time, not wanting her to feel like he was pushing, but now’s different.

“How do things turn out for Steve?” He says it very softly, so she can ignore it if she wants. “Do he and Peggy make a go of it?”

[from_the_outside]

She's surprised more by the sudden sting in her eyes than by the questions themselves. Of course, knowing he might not be here to see it, he'd want to know what happens to his best friend.

And now she has a choice: to tell him the truth, or to feed him a kind lie. It's a moment before she can answer, her throat working as she fights to keep her voice even. "No."

Softly, so softly she wonders if he can hear her. "They never get the chance."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky goes absolutely still. “What?”

He can’t have heard - she said before that Steve had —-

“They don’t? Why not?”

[from_the_outside]

"Because Zola gives up Schmidt's location." She sighs and sits up, turning to sit on her hip to face him, her eyes dark and troubled. "Bucky."

Her voice is soft as she watches him. "There's a plane. A plane with bombs on it, all set to hit different cities. Schmidt takes it up when the Howling Commandos attack. And Steve gets on it."

[nerves_of_ice]

He stares at her in absolute horror. “Alone?”

[from_the_outside]

"Alone," she confirms, soft but clear.

[nerves_of_ice]

“Damn it, Steve—“

His throat is tight and his voice is thick and he’s shaking with the effort it takes to absorb this blow.

“But you said he has a future,” he protests, desperate. “He can’t - he doesn’t —“

[from_the_outside]

"He does have a future, Bucky." She reaches to take his hands, squeezing them. "Just not the one you were imagining for him. And he takes Schmidt out. But the plane – "

She's heard this story so many times, read it, studied it. She's never had such a hard time telling it. "I'm so sorry. This is going to be hard to hear."

[nerves_of_ice]

He has to consciously keep himself from clenching his hands on hers. “I need to know, Sharon. I have to.”

[from_the_outside]

"Okay," she says, quiet, and lets him hold onto her.

"Schmidt had the plane on some kind of autopilot, for New York. The only thing Steve could do was put it down in the water. Far North, towards the Arctic. Howard and Aunt Peggy looked for ages, after, but nobody found the plane for... a long time."

She licks at her lip and watches him, searching his expression. "A really long time, Bucky. But someone did, eventually. They brought him up out of the ice and woke him up. In 2011."

[nerves_of_ice]

He stares at her, unable to find words. Any words. His ears are ringing, and he feels like he’s just taken several body blows and a left hook or two.

“But that’s over half a century away!”

[from_the_outside]

"I know," she whispers. "I know. I'm sorry, Bucky."

[nerves_of_ice]

He struggles with it, visibly, shoulders tense and jaw tight as he tries to absorb what she's just told him.

Steve, lost in the Arctic. Frozen in ice for more than fifty years, while the world goes on around him, everyone thinking he was dead. Steve, finally rescued, but more alone than ever.

"Okay," he manages, finally. "As if I didn't already have enough reason to live... now I've really got to."

[from_the_outside]

She hates having hurt him so badly, but maybe he'll see, now, how important it is that his future not come to pass, how he needs to talk to Steve. "Yes, you do," she murmurs.

His shoulders are so tense. He's holding himself like she'd hit him in the gut with a roundhouse. "I think – I think it would change everything."

[nerves_of_ice]

"It has to." He's not going to let Steve be buried in ice. No way. Not if he can help it, and to do that, he's got to be there.

Bucky's unaware of just how stunned and lost the look in his eyes is as he looks up at her.

[from_the_outside]

He searches her face like a lost little boy, and she feels her heart crack wide open. "Come here," she murmurs, and leans forward to put her arms around him and hold him tight.

"If I could tell you where Schmidt was, where the plane is, I would," she whispers. "But even now – then – when I'm from, that information is locked down tight."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know. I know you would." He wraps both arms around her and holds on tight. "Too much to ask that any of this would be easy, huh."

[from_the_outside]

"No part of this has been easy."

She presses against him, coaxing him to hold her as tightly as he needs, to bury his face in her hair and breathe or just to feel a little more grounded. "Except falling for you. That was easy as breathing."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I don't know how you've held up under all this, angel." Bucky lets himself lower his face to her hair and keeps holding on. "It's not even been a full day and I'm reeling."

[from_the_outside]

"You're just learning it."

She should have told him sooner. Damn Stark, damn the timeline; she's going to save them all if she can. "I won't lie, those first few weeks here were pretty rough. You don't know how many times I've wanted to tell you everything."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I guess so." He raises his head to look down at her, and presses a gentle kiss to her hair as he does.

"But you said the rest of the squad makes it through, yeah?"

[from_the_outside]

"Yes."

She looks back at him, a small, wry smile ticking at her mouth. "In for a penny... They make it. Not everyone was still around when I was growing up, but..."

For a moment, the look in her eyes is fond and faraway. "Aunt Peggy used to bring Dum Dum around. He'd let me ride on his shoulders. And wear his hat."

[nerves_of_ice]

A disbelieving laugh escapes him, and for an instant his smile flashes bright as sunlight. "Now that's a heck of a picture to imagine."

[from_the_outside]

"I know, right?"

She smiles, too, warm and muted. "I know she doesn't let it show very much. But Aunt Peggy really loves you all. You don't know how fondly she talked about every one of you."

[nerves_of_ice]

"We think she's pretty swell, too," Bucky reassures her. "Not just Steve. All of us do."