[WWII AU] a long-awaited mission

[nerves_of_ice]

He'd wondered what was up when Steve had asked him to join the strategy meeting with him and Colonel Phillips that morning, just after breakfast. His best friend had tried to keep it casual, given that the guys were around, but Bucky can still read him as easy as any book.

It had taken less than three minutes for him to realize, and a solid five hours for them to plan the details of the mission. They'd worked through lunch, and by the time he leaves officers' country, Bucky's nearly vibrating with excitement.

Zola. After all this time, they've finally got a lead on the son-of-a-bitch. And it's a good one. First Zola, then Schmidt, and then--

He doesn't let himself think about that yet. He can't. Bucky reminds himself to stay focused as he moves quickly along the hallways, heading for the weapons room.

They'll all be getting the official orders at the afternoon's training session, but he can't sit still. Not now. Might as well check over his gear and make sure everything's as tuned up as it can possibly be.

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[from_the_outside]

Aunt Peggy had excused herself for some meeting after breakfast, so Sharon had whiled away her time working on a new letter to Becky Barnes. But she can't stay in her room forever, so when she hits a good stopping point, she caps her pen and picks up her uniform jacket from the back of her chair.

If it's nice outside, maybe she'll take a walk in the fresh air. And maybe if Bucky has some free time, he could come with her.

She's not really looking for him as she heads along the halls, but it's a pleasant surprise, anyway, when she rounds a corner and finds him. He's heading in the direction of the armory, and she adjusts her steps to head toward him. "Sergeant," she says, her tone polite but with teasing in her eyes. "Off to clean your gear?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sure am," he agrees. "Or I was, anyway. Where are you headed?"

Even as he hears the suppressed anticipation in his tone, he realizes it'll probably be a good idea to stay away from most people for a bit while he tries to get everything he's feeling locked down... but Sharon's not most people.

[from_the_outside]

"I was thinking about getting some fresh air topside."

But she's not thinking it any longer. She's studying him, her head canting slightly to the side. He looks almost jittery. "Something up?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"New orders," he tells her. "Are you going to be at the squad session this afternoon?"

[from_the_outside]

Sharon shakes her head, her curiosity piqued. "Sounds like they aren't orders that require a spy," she says, smiling. "Can you share with the class anyway?"

[nerves_of_ice]

He glances up and down the hall, just to be sure no one's near enough to overhear. They're keeping this one pretty close to the vest, but that doesn't mean he has to keep it secret from someone who's part of the team - even if her role's more along the lines of infiltration than assault.

"We have our next mission." He keeps a tight rein on his voice, but he can't do anything about the fierce intensity that flares in his glance. "We finally got a lead on Zola. We know where he's going to be, and we're going after him."

[from_the_outside]

She stares at him like he's speaking gibberish. Faintly, her ears begin to ring.

"Sorry?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Zola," he repeats. "Arnim Zola, Schmidt's slimy little sidekick. Word is he's going to be traveling by train through the Swiss Alps real soon now. We've got a lock on where we can set up position nearby."

Bucky grins at her, bright and exuberant. "He's been a thorn in everyone's side for way too long. And once we get him, Schmidt'll be next. I can't wait."

[from_the_outside]

Zola. A train. The Swiss Alps.

He's grinning at her, excited. Exuberant as a retriever. Alive, so alive. The ringing in her ears winds higher, begins to sound like the shriek of static. She feels suddenly dizzy, like all the blood has rushed out of her face, her head.

Bucky's brilliant smile. She can feel his warmth from here. He's alive. And she'd fooled herself into thinking he'd stay that way. The letter to Becky on her desk, unfinished.

She can't speak, can only stare at him, shocked beyond comprehension.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sharon?" All the color's gone from her face, leaving her ghost-pale, and her eyes are wide and a little glassy. Alarmed, Bucky moves forward a step, reaching out to support her if she starts to faint.

"Angel, are you okay?"

[from_the_outside]

"January." Her lips feel cold as she whispers the word. "January, 1945."

Only weeks ago, they'd celebrated the New Year, danced and laughed and made wildly optimistic predictions about the direction of the war. How could she have forgotten? Had she forgotten?

He reaches out for her and she gives a little start, like a sleeper waking from a dream. In the next second, her fingers go around his wrist, firm and determined. There's no hint of teasing promise in her touch: once more, she's the woman who fell from the stars and into his life. The Sergeant's angel.

But angels are messengers. They're warriors. Protectors. She sheds half a year of caution and pitches her voice low. "Come with me. Right now."

She doesn't wait for him to respond before she starts leading him back toward her quarters, focused, every thought diamond-hard.

[nerves_of_ice]

Startled, caught completely off guard by the sudden change in her, he can't do anything else but follow. A flurry of questions wants to spill out, but he catches them all behind his teeth and keeps his mouth shut.

It's not that far to her quarters. He doesn't try to pull free of her grasp, but lets her draw him along the entire way.

[from_the_outside]

She brings him into her room, not caring if anyone sees, then closes and locks the door behind him before she finally lets him go.

Sharon faces him, her jaw set. "You can't go."

[nerves_of_ice]

Bucky stares at her in surprise. "Excuse me?"

[from_the_outside]

"On the mission."

She can feel desperation beating at her, trying to break through her determination. She swallows it back as best she can. Hysterics won't help anything or anyone. "Don't go on the mission."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Sharon." He says it carefully, gently, and moves forward toward her one slow step at a time. "I have to go on the mission. I don't understand why you're saying this."

[from_the_outside]

She feels sick. She feels like she's drowning. "January, 1945," she says, fighting to keep her voice level.

Fuck the timeline. The universe. The whole goddamn multiverse can burn. She'd ruin it all to save him. "Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was lost following a mission in the Swiss Alps. He was declared missing in action. Presumed dead."

Her throat bobs as she swallows, her eyes steady on his, the desperation flaring behind them. "He was never found."

[nerves_of_ice]

He freezes in place. "What?"

It sounds faint through the sudden ringing in his ears. "Sharon-- what?" That can't be right. It can't.

[from_the_outside]

"I don't care anymore."

Her voice catches in her throat. She hauls back on anything that even feels like it wants to be a sob. She's shaking, tense all over, but her eyes are steady on his. It's like she's stabbing him over and over again, but if it saves him, she'll do it. "I've kept my mouth shut. I've done my duty. I haven't told anyone what the future holds. But I don't care if the timeline explodes. I'm not going to let you die."

[nerves_of_ice]

Lost following a mission.

Somehow, he doesn't know how, he finds the ability to move again and drags it up from deep inside him.

Declared missing in action. Presumed dead.

Bucky takes one step forward, then another, and reaches out both hands to her. "Come here," he murmurs. "Come here, sweetheart."

Never found.

"I'm not going to die. We'll figure it out."

[from_the_outside]

"No, you're not."

She takes his hands, but resists being pulled into his arms. If he holds her right now, she'll shatter into a million pieces, like already-cracked glass subjected to a sudden change in temperature. "Not if you don't go on the mission. Not if you stay right here."

[nerves_of_ice]

She doesn't let him pull her close, so he squeezes her fingers instead and holds on.

"What about the others? Steve and the rest of the guys - what happens to them? You said I didn't need to worry about Steve, before--"

[from_the_outside]

She swallows again, her throat moving, and tamps down on a surge of frustration. Just for once, can't he think about himself?

"Everyone else survives," she reports, taking refuge in reporting facts. She can still hear screaming in her ears. "They get Zola. The mission only sustains one loss."

[nerves_of_ice]

"One loss," he murmurs. "You mean me."

All his thoughts are whirling, too fast for him to make much sense of things. One of them randomly strikes him, and a startled breath of laughter escapes his lips.

"Angel, I think you're the strongest and bravest woman I've ever known."

[from_the_outside]

"What?"

She frowns at him. Has he lost his mind? Has the shock of what she's told him untethered him from reality? "What are you talking about?"