[oom] I'll see you in the morning time

[nerves_of_ice]

The low hum of the television on the twenty-four hour sports channel continues all through the night, casting its shadows and dim electronic light over the bed, the blankets, and the two of them curled up together there.

For once, there are no nightmares.

It's only once the sun starts making its way above the horizon and the sky outside begins to fade from black to blue that Bucky stirs - and as he realizes where he is and who's with him, a sunshine-bright smile lights his face.

Comments

[from_the_outside]

"Sure it does."

She pulls back enough to look him in the eye, and her features are as set and expressionless as the evening she'd come back to the penthouse to find him there and told him go home, Bucky, I'm not that girl anymore.

"Fury, the JTTF, the CIA, hell, this whole damn country that kicked me out for trying to do the right thing – only an idiot trusts them enough to give them her all. I learned more about how the world works from the outside than I ever did from the inside. And I learned that nobody had my back but me."

[nerves_of_ice]

He meets her gaze and holds it, steady and certain.

"Systems are different from people," Bucky tells her, his tone as steady as his glance. "Systems'll fuck you over in a heartbeat, sure. Governments, power structures, agencies, whatever. But people - maybe not everyone, I wouldn't say that, but there are people who you can trust. And those are the people who make the real difference in this messed-up world."

[from_the_outside]

"I trust you."

He might be the only one, but she knows, she knows she can trust him.

[nerves_of_ice]

"And I trust you." His reply comes without hesitation.

"I trusted Steve. Natasha, once upon a time. I trust Shuri. T'Challa. Ayo." He grimaces a little, but it seems almost pro forma as he adds, "Sam."

"You get the idea."

[from_the_outside]

Shuri, T'Challa, Ayo. They'd trusted her, once. She can't imagine they still will when they learn the truth.

And Sam...

She shakes her head. "I trust you," she says, with finality. And even that might be stupid of her.

[nerves_of_ice]

He tucks a lock of hair behind her ear with his right hand.

"It's a start," he murmurs. "We'll work on it."

[from_the_outside]

She'd be an idiot not to connect some of what she's feeling and thinking with the other thing that happened while he was gone, so she lets out a slow breath and doesn't let herself tip her head into his touch. Not yet.

"I did some work while you were out," she says, quiet. "Things are pretty chaotic over there."

[nerves_of_ice]

"Oh?" he says, quietly. He knows what she means.

"Anything you want to tell me about?"

[from_the_outside]

She shakes her head and carefully rests it back on his chest.

[nerves_of_ice]

"Okay," he murmurs. "Okay, baby."

Without warning, Bucky scoops her up in his arms and carries her to the living room. He sits down in the armchair with her in his lap, cradling her against him.

[from_the_outside]

She makes a slightly surprised noise but doesn't resist, not when he picks her up and not when he sits down and tucks her against his chest. Sharon puts her arms around his neck and closes her eyes, trying to focus on his warmth and solidity.

I love everything about you, he'd said, the night before. Inside and out.

She doesn't understand how that could be true or why it is, but she knows he wasn't lying. Just like she knows she loves him back with every razor-sharp, broken piece of herself.

[nerves_of_ice]

He keeps one arm around her, and runs his hand up and down her arm. Bucky's breathing is deep and even.

He doesn't say anything at first, just continues to hold her.

[from_the_outside]

The slow, steady rise and fall of his chest helps; her own breathing slows down to match it. Keeping her eyes closed, she focuses on the sensation of his hand slowly smoothing up and down her arm.

"I'm trying," she says, finally. It's in reference to... so many things. Madripoor was six long years. She's only been able to be Sharon Carter again for a little over a week.

[nerves_of_ice]

"I know." He presses a gentle kiss to her hair. "It takes time."

[from_the_outside]

She learned patience in Madripoor, how to listen and watch and wait for the right moment. This is different. This is trying to be patient for something that might not ever happen.

She nods and tries to relax in the circle of his arms, leaning against his chest.

[nerves_of_ice]

He kisses her again, then turns his face into her hair and just breathes, slow and steady.

"I don't know if it helps to hear," he says, after a moment. "And I don't want to make this all about me. But I can't help but think about those first few days and weeks after Steve woke me up."

[from_the_outside]

She makes a soft sound and tucks her forehead into the crook of his neck.

"How do you mean?"

[nerves_of_ice]

"Everything I thought I knew was wrong. Everything I'd once known and was only starting to remember was shattered. It felt like looking in a broken mirror," he tells her.

"And it took a while to figure out how to start putting myself back together, after that."

[from_the_outside]

"Yeah."

It isn't exactly the same, but it's close enough for her to feel some sense of recognition. "I feel like a funhouse mirror version of myself."

She shakes her head, not in negation but in consternation. "I don't know how you can still see me in there. I don't know how you can –"

That cuts a little too deep; she pulls it back. "It's not a very comfortable feeling, knowing the old me would be trying to bring me in and put me away."

[nerves_of_ice]

"I'm not sure she would. You would." Bucky runs his hand along her arm again, and keeps it up. "You didn't try to bring me in, remember?"

"I see you in there because you're still there. You're still you. Maybe a little battered and banged up, a lot hurt, and trying to sort stuff out, but you're still Sharon. You're still my angel."

[from_the_outside]

"You weren't responsible for the things you did. And when I found you in France, it was obvious the right move was to help, not to hunt."

But the rest of what he says arrows into her chest and sinks there, aching and precious. She feels like a desert plant desperately hoarding any drop of water that comes, absorbing it into a center that's still soft and fragile even as its outer skin gets harder and harder.

"Are you sure?"

It's a bare whisper and it's unfair because she isn't. But that's why she needs him to be.

[nerves_of_ice]

He shakes his head at her first remark, but leaves it alone. Not only is this not the time, but he's still working through some of the things Sam had told him when sharing what he'd called 'tough love.' "Obvious to you," he says, instead.

Bucky's small smile is sweet as he bends his head to kiss her, slow and lingering. "I'm sure," he murmurs, against her lips. "I'm absolutely sure, baby."

[from_the_outside]

How, she wants to ask. Why.

But she doesn't want to prod too hard at it, doesn't want to risk that he might not have an answer, so she just kisses him back, her hand gentle at the side of his head, fingers slipping into his soft hair.

[nerves_of_ice]

He tightens his arm around her, pulling her a little closer as they share a few lazy kisses.

When the last one breaks, he runs his hand up to the back of her neck and silently coaxes her to lay her head on his shoulder.

"So," he says, after a moment. "Do anything else interesting while I was gone? Buy out an entire store's worth of stuff, maybe?"

[from_the_outside]

She knows what he's doing and she loves him even more for it. Settling her head on his shoulder without argument, she makes an amused sound.

"An entire store...?"

His teasing makes her smile, a little. "I was just looking at some new clothes when you got back."